I was reading the Observer Music Monthly's feature on music from the last decade and it suddenly struck me that we're just over a month away from one decade ending and a new one starting and I hadn't even realised until today. I was so baffled by this that I asked out loud "does this decade end this year or next?". My friend Lucy said next year but as I sat there, counting the years from 2000 to 2009 on my fingers, it dawned on me that the decade was coming to a close...
It feels like the decade it trying to end quietly, without anyone noticing, a bit like someone leaving a party without saying good-bye to anyone as they don't want people to know they've left. It feels like the noughties are trying to sneak out, tip-toe away without anyone making too much fuss. Is there something strange going on or is this what happens when you're a decade older and wiser? I know in general it's been a strange year globally because of the recession but even without that, I can't quite decide how I feel about this year. Generally when I look back over the year, I can easily identify the highs and the not-so-highs and the year will have a particular feel to it, it'll get lodged in my memory bank for particular reasons. 2009 just doesn't feel like that....
I can see the good things that have happened in the year, but these have often been the result of an otherwise not great situation - they've been the silver linings to my clouds. It's not been an ecstatically high or horribly low year but it's coming to an end and I'm not sure quite how I'll remember it.
I remember 1989 coming to a close and the excitement of a new decade about to start. Excitement tinged with a little apprehension, you're 20, you think you know everything about everything but actually you know nothing as you have little or no life experience. You're excited about what the new decade will bring but at the same time wondering what exactly it will bring and all you can do is wonder. The Berlin Wall had come down a few months earlier, I'd left home and started university and the adventure had just begun. Soul II Soul were singing about a new decade, I'd just read an article that profoundly changed my life as it resonated in a way that nothing had done before.
The end of 1999 seemed to be an even bigger affair for everyone, not just the end of a decade but the end of a millenium. Everyone was wondering if there'd be an IT meltdown just as we welcomed in the year 2000. It seemed like a big deal then but imagine it now - technology has leapt so far forwards that if you took away the internet and mobiles and other gadgets from people, even for a few hours, there would certainly be a meltdown - of the human kind....
Lets see what this new decade brings!
Sunday 29 November 2009
Been a long time....
....since I last posted but I'm still here! The main reason for a lack of posting is that I have another blog but it's a private blog, for me only. There's nothing wild or crazy in it, just that I treat my blog like a diary and some of the stuff I write about, well it's not for public consumption. I've always written privately, even when I was doing the blog regularly last year, writing is my way of dealing with things in my life but that doesn't mean I want to share it with the world, just want a place to get it down.
Anyway, since my last post here, a lot has been happening and here's a quick overview. I went to Ibiza again for a few days. I was slightly apprehensive about going as Will my ex was going to be there and I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about being on the island at the same time as him. There's no animosity between us but he's just not a part of my life and as my first trip to the island happened a few months after we split up, Ibiza is a part of my life post-Will.
I got to the island a few days before he was arriving with the boys. I didn't have any contact with Will prior to going but he knew I'd be there and he was cool with that. The day they all arrived, Colin sent me a text to say they would be in Ibiza town later that evening and I said I'd meet them for a drink once I was back. I was off hopping around the island with Octavia but once we were back in town, we went to meet the boys for a few drinks. We had a hilarious few hours - I didn't engage that much with Will but I wasn't rude or difficult, just didn't have that much conversation for him. At one point, a slightly drunk Octavia turned to Will and the conversation went something like this:
O - so, you're Will?
W - erm, yes...
O - The Will?
W - err yes...
O - well you're a bloody idiot aren't you! I haven't known Azra that long but she is amazing!
She said some other lovely things about me but I can't remember exactly what these were because by this point, we all had the same reaction:
"Oh my god, I can't believe she just said that" and secretly thinking "she's just said what we've always thought but no-one ever said it out loud...."
I found the whole thing hilarious but it was one of those moments where you're left with your mouth hanging open in slight disbelief. The next day we were going off to Space (me and the boys, no Octavia) but we all met for a drink beforehand. From what Octavia said, Will thought I was dressing quite provocatively but I pointed out it was just my "Ibiza" wardrobe, in fact it was exactly the same outfit I'd worn to Space when I'd been in August. Once in Space, I hung out with the boys but didn't really engage that much with Will again. It wasn't intentional, I just don't feel any real connection with him anymore. He's still a lovely, sweet, gentle person but our lives are so different and I've moved on so much and we have nothing to bond us together.
After the previous night's hilarious turn of events, little did I know that that night would also have a funny twist. We'd been at Space a couple of hours and I was on the dance floor with all the boys, including Will. I turned round to see him a couple of feet away from me, snogging some woman he'd just pulled. A few years ago that would have hurt me so much yet all I could think was "Oh Will, if you had to pull someone in front of me, couldn't you have gone for someone younger and hotter!" - the woman in question was not exactly a stunner and that place if full of gorgeous girls. The next thing I thought was "Space is massive, do you have to do this right in front of me when you could have disappeared to a quiet little corner....". But although I had thoughts running through my head, I didn't feel anything and at that precise moment I gained a little piece of wisdom - a person can't hurt your feelings if you have no feelings for them.....
After Ibiza I came back to London for a day and then flew off to LA for a long weekend to celebrate my friend Carly's birthday. I visited LA twice in 1994 and didn't like it at all but on this trip, I fell in love with the place. I think it probably helped that Carly lives in a very cool part of Venice, not far from the beach and the vibe reminded me a little of Ibiza. It was great to see her and hang out with her in her home town as whenever we've met before, it's always been in London, I've never seen her on her home turf. We went to Palm Springs for the actual birthday celebrations, taking over Hope Springs for the weekend. The place consists of 10 double rooms, each with an en-suite and a kitchenette, positioned around a series of 3 pools, the main pool, a hot mineral pool and an even hotter indoor mineral pool. The whole place was decked out in gorgeous midcentury modern furniture and it felt good to be in such beautiful surroundings again. We were a total of 20 people for the birthday celebrations, most of them new faces for me. On the Saturday, I found myself in a total blissed out haze and when I'm like that, I don't really talk to anyone. It's not being anti-social, just that when I'm having my prolonged moments of joy, I seem to quietly enjoy them and experience them and talking is the last thing I want to do. By the Sunday, I'd found my voice again and we had a great morning hanging out in the pool, lots of animated conversation and laughing and plenty of anecdotes from me.
Once back from LA, I knew that the decadence of the previous two months had to end, to be replaced with total focus on Arbonne. During August and September, there had only been one week when I'd not been getting on a plane and although the jet set life-style was great fun and I got to hang out with people who are very special to me, it meant that my life was too disjointed to give Arbonne any real commitment. Having set things up before and knowing how I work, I need to focus completely on something and create momentum early on otherwise it just doesn't work for me. I want to see results quickly, I want to get on with things and if I feel like I'm dithering around, I lose interest.
So the last two months have been work-focused and November in particular has been great. As with anything, the results you see are effort-based - the more you put in, the more you get out. It helps that the products are just so amazing and having been using them for about six months now, I can really see the difference in my skin. Someone thought I was 22 a few weeks back so something is definitely working!
The irony is that my best week so far was also the week that we had health scares with both Ami and Abi (my parents for anyone who doesn't recognise the Urdu terms). I think finally they're coming to terms with the fact that their health needs attention and by ignoring things, they are doing nothing to prolong life. Ami spent a week in hospital and had a bone marrow biopsy - we're just waiting for the results to see what's going on. It's been a worrying, stressful fortnight but at least I've had work to keep me busy and focused but still allow me the flexibility to spend time at the hospital when need be. The busier and more focused I am, the better I seem to deal with things so just as well I got things kicked into action when I did.
There's not much else to report. I'm still staying at the family home in Dulwich but it'll be time to move on soon, particularly as my friend Wilding who lives 2 streets away is moving out of the hood in a few weeks time and suddenly Dulwich will lose a large part of its appeal. We've had some great spontaneous sessions hanging out and he has become a most brilliant friend so it'll be sad when he goes but no doubt it will be the catalyst for me to move too, although I still have no idea where I want to live. I still love the Palace but I know I don't want to move back into my old flat, a case of life moving forwards not backwards. I'm sure something will pop up soon to entice me to a particular place in London....
Anyway, since my last post here, a lot has been happening and here's a quick overview. I went to Ibiza again for a few days. I was slightly apprehensive about going as Will my ex was going to be there and I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about being on the island at the same time as him. There's no animosity between us but he's just not a part of my life and as my first trip to the island happened a few months after we split up, Ibiza is a part of my life post-Will.
I got to the island a few days before he was arriving with the boys. I didn't have any contact with Will prior to going but he knew I'd be there and he was cool with that. The day they all arrived, Colin sent me a text to say they would be in Ibiza town later that evening and I said I'd meet them for a drink once I was back. I was off hopping around the island with Octavia but once we were back in town, we went to meet the boys for a few drinks. We had a hilarious few hours - I didn't engage that much with Will but I wasn't rude or difficult, just didn't have that much conversation for him. At one point, a slightly drunk Octavia turned to Will and the conversation went something like this:
O - so, you're Will?
W - erm, yes...
O - The Will?
W - err yes...
O - well you're a bloody idiot aren't you! I haven't known Azra that long but she is amazing!
She said some other lovely things about me but I can't remember exactly what these were because by this point, we all had the same reaction:
"Oh my god, I can't believe she just said that" and secretly thinking "she's just said what we've always thought but no-one ever said it out loud...."
I found the whole thing hilarious but it was one of those moments where you're left with your mouth hanging open in slight disbelief. The next day we were going off to Space (me and the boys, no Octavia) but we all met for a drink beforehand. From what Octavia said, Will thought I was dressing quite provocatively but I pointed out it was just my "Ibiza" wardrobe, in fact it was exactly the same outfit I'd worn to Space when I'd been in August. Once in Space, I hung out with the boys but didn't really engage that much with Will again. It wasn't intentional, I just don't feel any real connection with him anymore. He's still a lovely, sweet, gentle person but our lives are so different and I've moved on so much and we have nothing to bond us together.
After the previous night's hilarious turn of events, little did I know that that night would also have a funny twist. We'd been at Space a couple of hours and I was on the dance floor with all the boys, including Will. I turned round to see him a couple of feet away from me, snogging some woman he'd just pulled. A few years ago that would have hurt me so much yet all I could think was "Oh Will, if you had to pull someone in front of me, couldn't you have gone for someone younger and hotter!" - the woman in question was not exactly a stunner and that place if full of gorgeous girls. The next thing I thought was "Space is massive, do you have to do this right in front of me when you could have disappeared to a quiet little corner....". But although I had thoughts running through my head, I didn't feel anything and at that precise moment I gained a little piece of wisdom - a person can't hurt your feelings if you have no feelings for them.....
After Ibiza I came back to London for a day and then flew off to LA for a long weekend to celebrate my friend Carly's birthday. I visited LA twice in 1994 and didn't like it at all but on this trip, I fell in love with the place. I think it probably helped that Carly lives in a very cool part of Venice, not far from the beach and the vibe reminded me a little of Ibiza. It was great to see her and hang out with her in her home town as whenever we've met before, it's always been in London, I've never seen her on her home turf. We went to Palm Springs for the actual birthday celebrations, taking over Hope Springs for the weekend. The place consists of 10 double rooms, each with an en-suite and a kitchenette, positioned around a series of 3 pools, the main pool, a hot mineral pool and an even hotter indoor mineral pool. The whole place was decked out in gorgeous midcentury modern furniture and it felt good to be in such beautiful surroundings again. We were a total of 20 people for the birthday celebrations, most of them new faces for me. On the Saturday, I found myself in a total blissed out haze and when I'm like that, I don't really talk to anyone. It's not being anti-social, just that when I'm having my prolonged moments of joy, I seem to quietly enjoy them and experience them and talking is the last thing I want to do. By the Sunday, I'd found my voice again and we had a great morning hanging out in the pool, lots of animated conversation and laughing and plenty of anecdotes from me.
Once back from LA, I knew that the decadence of the previous two months had to end, to be replaced with total focus on Arbonne. During August and September, there had only been one week when I'd not been getting on a plane and although the jet set life-style was great fun and I got to hang out with people who are very special to me, it meant that my life was too disjointed to give Arbonne any real commitment. Having set things up before and knowing how I work, I need to focus completely on something and create momentum early on otherwise it just doesn't work for me. I want to see results quickly, I want to get on with things and if I feel like I'm dithering around, I lose interest.
So the last two months have been work-focused and November in particular has been great. As with anything, the results you see are effort-based - the more you put in, the more you get out. It helps that the products are just so amazing and having been using them for about six months now, I can really see the difference in my skin. Someone thought I was 22 a few weeks back so something is definitely working!
The irony is that my best week so far was also the week that we had health scares with both Ami and Abi (my parents for anyone who doesn't recognise the Urdu terms). I think finally they're coming to terms with the fact that their health needs attention and by ignoring things, they are doing nothing to prolong life. Ami spent a week in hospital and had a bone marrow biopsy - we're just waiting for the results to see what's going on. It's been a worrying, stressful fortnight but at least I've had work to keep me busy and focused but still allow me the flexibility to spend time at the hospital when need be. The busier and more focused I am, the better I seem to deal with things so just as well I got things kicked into action when I did.
There's not much else to report. I'm still staying at the family home in Dulwich but it'll be time to move on soon, particularly as my friend Wilding who lives 2 streets away is moving out of the hood in a few weeks time and suddenly Dulwich will lose a large part of its appeal. We've had some great spontaneous sessions hanging out and he has become a most brilliant friend so it'll be sad when he goes but no doubt it will be the catalyst for me to move too, although I still have no idea where I want to live. I still love the Palace but I know I don't want to move back into my old flat, a case of life moving forwards not backwards. I'm sure something will pop up soon to entice me to a particular place in London....
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