My take on internet dating

Some more of my musings on Myspace, this time on internet dating. I tried it for a few months but it didn't work for me as I'm still single. However, I did make one wonderful friend Wilding and we remain great friends - he's one of the few people I know who is off really chasing a dream and a long-cherished desire so we always compare notes on how we getting on with our respective leaps of faith! So if the only thing that internet dating gave me was Wilding, it was a resounding success! Written on the 9th October 2006.

The etiquette of internet dating

Although I said I'd never do it, I have just dabbled in internet dating. It's actually been quite amusing - so I thought I'd bring some hints and tips for anyone considering it, plus my own experience of it.

First things first, even though I was very reluctant to even consider it, it's been an interesting experience. Always thought that internet dating sites would be full of sad loser desperate types. Of course, they are out there but I was pleasantly surprised at how many really interesting people were on the site. Does depend on which one you look at - I reckon the best site for like-minded people is the Guardian one - match.com has far too many boring, average types for my liking!

The other thing I struggled with is that the two times I've met people and fallen in love, it's been a very random thing. Call it serendipity or fate or whatever but it's not something I've gone out looking for, it's just happened. And I'm not sure it's something you can make happen. It's very easy to go out with someone just for the sake of going out with someone, it's far more rare to meet someone who really makes you go "wow" and fall over. But I know it does happen!

In true Azra style, once I got over my great reluctance, I was very excited about the whole thing and being the eternal optimist, had visions of meeting all these amazing boys who'd naturally all become my new-found best friends. And there'd be a really special one who I'd live happily ever after with. In fact I was so excited putting my profile together over the August Bank Holiday that I forgot to go to carnival! But I always go to carnival and it appears I was missed - it was a bit embarrassing mumbling something about not being up for it when people asked where I'd got to, when in fact I'd been fabricating a profile for myself and hanging out on an internet dating site.

My first conversation was great! I think he just couldn't resist my conversation starter "People born in 1969 are generally unforgettable characters. Discuss" . Obviously he was born in 1969 and I was gently blowing my own trumpet because so am I! I tried this line on a few other people but it didn't work so well - possibly because they weren't born in 1969.

Our conversation went back and forth over a couple of evenings, covering loads of different topics and there seemed to be a real rapport. And he soon very gently suggested meeting up - for tea and cake and plotting against Tony Blair (don't worry, he's not some crazy fundamentalist). Now tea and cake might not sound very exciting but I actually prefer the non-date thing. Takes the pressure off me - I don't like going on dates - they make me squirm. I get very flustered trying to work out if I fancy someone (which usually means I don't) - and it's very awkward if they like you and it's not reciprocated (more on this later).

Only trouble was that you can only really do tea and cake in the afternoon. And that means at the weekend. Neither of us was free for a couple of weekends. In which time something must've happened (like he fell in love with someone else) because he forgot all about tea and cake with me. Oh dear!

Now I'm not sure what correct internet dating etiquette is but I'm not doing very well. On the Guardian site, people will become a "fan" of yours but never email you. I liken that to someone admiring you from a distance but never having the balls to come up and talk to you. I think people do that in the hope you're so delighted you have some fans that you instigate the conversation. I tend to ignore my fans unless they have a really interesting profile (and are not mingers).

Right, I'm going to come back and write some more later but now I need to sleep.

Internet Dating - Part 2

Back to the etiquette of internet dating. So I've talked about fans - I have yet to become a fan of someone without sending them a message. Just figure that if someone looks interesting, you might as well send them a sparkly conversation starter based on something you've read on their profile, not apply the wallflower approach. If anyone makes the effort of emailing me, even if I think "no I don't think so", I'll still be polite enough to email back as I think it's rude just to ignore someone. However, there was one man "blackenuf" who emailed me, saying how he'd seen my photo and wanted to get to know me more. Now the strange laws of attraction have meant that I've never really been attracted to people from ethnic minorities, although I myself am an ethnic one. And the clue's in the name as to the ethnic make-up of blackenuf. I had a quick look at his profile and he kept going on about the state of his teeth and how he was going to get something done about them and I thought "I don't know how to say no so I'm going to say nothing".

Now although I'm quite polite and will always email someone who contacts me even if I'm not interested, this is not always the case. I've sent messages to people (usually some witty one-liner based on their profile) and you get ignored. The real-life equivalent of this would be making the effort to go up and say hello to someone, to have them look you up and down and then turn round and walk off. I've never actually had this happen but can only imagine it would be awful. It seems to be quite acceptable on the internet but I still think it's a bit rude.

The Guardian site has a top 20 of the most popular profiles (ie the people who've been contacted the most). I've never made it on there but most of the girls are pretty blonde things who look like they probably work in fluffy PR and live in Clapham - no real chance for me then! Amongst the men in the top 20 are a few who've contacted me via email, I've replied and then I've been ignored. This leads me to believe it's a game of tactics with these particular gents - email as many girls as possible, they'll usually politely email back even if not interested - and that makes said-gent look incredibly popular with the ladies and make it in to the top 20.

There are also those conversations that go back and forth via email. It's nice enough but not really setting your world alight. The real-life equivalent would be finding yourself at a party where you're talking to someone - and you can keep the conversation going - but there's no real connection and secretly you're thinking "hmm how do I get away without looking rude as I feel a bit bored". On the internet it seems ok to just stop talking and wander off, don't think it would be quite so good in real life!

It can be quite amusing reading other people's profiles. I'll often glance at other girls profiles to see what they've written (particularly the ones in the top 20 to see if I can get some tips) - and they're probably wondering why some girl's checking them out. Some profiles are quite unimginative - and you find yourself wondering if they're like that in real life. One that made me laugh was a woman who said "I am very good company and have a zest for life. I love to travel - and am interested in almost everything." Can you really be interested in almost everything? Surely that's not possible - you'd have to spend all your time keeping up with all the things you interested in and you'd never have time to meet people. Maybe that's why she ended up on the internet - she just doesn't have the time to actually leave her house! Her ideal partner would be handsome and completely self-sufficient. Wouldn't most men describe themselves like that (apart from blackenuf who said he was struggling when it came to money).

Always interesting to see how people rate themselves when it comes to looks. Most people describe themselves as attractive - I had to tick that box as there wasn't one that said "drop dead gorgeous". But some people do tick the "very attractive" box. I think this should be reserved for model-types. Some of the very attractive people maybe shouldn't have ticked that box but you've got to admire them for it - at least they love themselves and don't have any issues with poor self-image.

Right, that's part 2 finished. Part 3 will actually cover some dates (yes there have been some) but it's time to get on with some work now.

Leap and the net will appear!

I have a Myspace profile but hardly look at it now. For some reason, I logged on today and realised that I actually started blogging there. Some interesting/funny things written, here's another one of my pieces (apologies for the bad language, I guess I wanted to get my point across!) - written on the 12th February 2006.

Leap and the net will appear

As I've spent the last few years doing my own thing (no more being a corporate slave for me - woo hoo!), thought I'd scribble down some of the important things I've learnt from setting up and running my own business:

- create your own opportunities
- choose something you are truly passionate about
- be prepared to work your fucking arse off
- accept that success does not come overnight
- celebrate success when it does come
- take risks
- create your own unique style - don't copy others
- start small and build it up
- don't become stale - keep moving forwards
- do it for love not money
- believe in yourself and what you're doing
- have a very clear vision of what you're trying to achieve
- when the going gets tough (and it will) - stick with it and don't give up
- be brave - my motto for the last 3 years has been:

"Leap and the net will appear"

When you're off chasing your dreams, your strengths and weaknesses take on much greater significance. Use your strengths to your best ability and amazing things really do happen. Let your weaknesses get too much of a look-in and you risk everything tumbling down around you.

Attitude is really important too. Negativity is the killer of creativity. Brash, cocky attitudes aren't great either. You need a healthy dose of realism, not cynicism.

Support others and they will support you. I'm always amazed by the amount of love, support and encouragement I've received from other people, often those that I don't know that well. I'd like to think that's because that's what I give back. If your attitude's right, people are totally behind you, wanting you to succeed.

Life is full of opportunities - some come your way, others you create. It's your decision whether you grab those opportunities or let them pass you by. I know what I'd always choose.

Going back in time.

Over the last few years, I've done a regular interiors update - the next one is due soon but this time it will encompass my life in Ibiza, not just my work. The last one I did was back in June 2007, just after I'd decided to move to Ibiza. I thought I'd drop it in here as it gives some insight into my thinking when I made this crazy decision!

From my Myspace blog : I do an interiors update every few months - here's the latest one, with the latest news - I'm moving myself and my lovely little interiors business to Ibiza!

There's been lots going on since my last update a few months ago. The latest news (and possibly the most exciting) is that I decided last week to move myself and my interiors business to Ibiza. Next year. Possibly for good!

More about that later - here's what else I've been up to. We've just finished our first bespoke kitchen - it's gorgeous and I can't wait to do more! I've also been juggling two jobs - my interiors projects and working as a freelance consultant for the British Ukrainian Society (well I run the Society). It's a return to my former world - and juggling the two seems to work for me. When I've done just one, I miss the other (although they're vastly different) - there's something very exciting about being right in the centre of international/political projects. But I would never give up interiors, having worked so hard to build up the business.

I was approached to run the Society last December. A consultant I used to work with was involved with the project and recommended me to the other Directors. I got a call completely out of the blue, quickly put a CV together and following a meeting with the Chairman, accepted the position. It's a funny world that I find myself in - normal recruitment procedures don't apply and I get to negotiate things on my terms. Just as well, I've always hated doing job interviews, nearly as much as I hate going on dates. I prefer it when things just happen, doing away with normal procedures!

I was slightly bemused when I started the day job as the work involves running a series of events over the year and getting members to join the Society. One look at my CV will show you that I've never actually done either of these things before. But I've become quite adept at diving into new things and learning (making things up) as I go along. Frankly I love the challenge - I get bored very easily and the thought of days spent doing stuff I was good at a year ago fills me with dread. The other thing I love about the day job is that I get to meet and work with lots of new people and organisations. I've always been pretty good at socialising (apart from when I was a kid and took ages to make any friends) and I like the fact that my personality helps the Society. If I was super-efficient but grumpy and unapproachable, it would spell disaster for the organisation!

On a more practical note, knowing I have a regular income has taken a massive weight off me. I didn't realise quite how much the pressure of having to constantly find new projects and generate an income (and not a small amount either) was worrying me until it was lifted. I've been fortunate that work has always come my way. But there have been moments when I've not been sure where that next job is coming from and this has often induced a sense of panic.

I'd never change the choices I've made in the last few years. I'd never give up interiors to go back to the safety and security of being employed. In fact, with the day job I was offered proper employment but I turned it down, preferring to be a freelance consultant and therefore still being my own boss. However, the pressure of the last few years took its toll healthwise. My insides got all messed up with stress and totally threw my hormones out of balance. And having been there, off-kilter hormones can ruin you, if you let them. I was in and out of the GP's for about a year and a half but they were absolutely rubbish, wanting to treat the symptoms but not trying to find out what was really going on inside. In the end, I went to see a kinesiologist, found out was was going on and got it treated properly.

Kinesiology is amazing - it's like having a total internal check-up to see that everything's working as it should be. After the first round of treatment, I still wasn't feeling great. During my second appointment, the kinesiologist found that something was still causing problems inside. It turned out that a fairly aggressive stomach bug I'd picked up the last time I was in Pakistan hadn't been completely eradicated by antibiotics. The bacteria had spent the last 4 years moving into all my internal organs and putting quite a bit of stress on my body - and I had no idea about any of this! It's amazing I've managed to achieve anything these last few years as my insides have been falling apart. Irony is that I haven't actually been physically ill in all that time.

Anyway, things are back on track healthwise and I'm nearly at the end of my course of treatment. It's made a huge difference - at one point I was taking so many supplements and vitamins that I had to take them in two shifts, unable to swallow so many pills in one go. It's been a real wake-up call and I know that I have to look after myself and be quite gentle. And it's no bad thing to briefly visit the darkest recesses of your mind, although I'd like to never go there again.

I timed a yoga holiday in Ibiza with the Iast few weeks of treatment to help recharge batteries. And that's where I was last week when I made the decision to move myself and the business out to the island. I first went to Ibiza in 2002 and immediately fell in love with the island - there's something about the vibe that really suits me. I started thinking of ways to move out there but a few weeks after that first trip I was made redundant and my world turned upside down. I've been back every year since and always had that feeling "I want to live here" but never thought any more of it. I love London and the life I have here but I want a better quality of life, something simpler and less stressful.

I also know I'd love to have children. It may happen, it may not - but as I lay on Benirras beach I started questioning whether I'd want to raise children in London. I love the city but I think my time here is coming to an end. And I think when the time's right, things happen. On this visit to the island, I made some great contacts through the yoga retreat. I may even have my first kitchen commission - I haven't spoken to my builders about this yet but I figured that if we can have bespoke kitchens made in Poland and brought to London, we can just as easily have them taken to Ibiza. There's a lot of money on the island and people are moving away from the traditional Spanish rustic style towards a more sleek, modern look - perfect for the work that I do.

Another plus is that my best friend from my late teens, early twenties has been a resident of the island for about 5 years now (he's the yoga teacher) - it makes a difference knowing that I'm about to move my life to somewhere new but there are already old friends there to help me once I arrive!

Exciting times ahead! I won't be leaving London til next year, February at the earliest. It gives me time to wrap things up here, get my flat rented out and finish the contract for the day job. And if I get out there and need to do a bit of tiling or decorating in the beginning to tide me over, well that's not a problem - I'm pretty good at those things! As always, a massive thank you to everyone who's believed in me, encouraged me, supported me, given me leads and business or checked I'm okay when I've gone quiet for a while - it's my little journey but it feels quite special that it's been shared with so many!

See you all in Ibiza, if not before!

Much love

Azra xx

Some farewells this week.....

My two best friends on the island left this week to return to London. Ruby and Jenna had been here working over the summer (both are journalists - Ruby was Deputy Editor of Pacha Magazine and Jenna was the blogger for Ibiza Rocks) but as the season draws to a close, we have to get ready for a mass exodus!

We had a big night out for them last Friday (see photos), starting off with dinner at Ancient People, followed by Basement Jaxx at Pacha and then gate-crashing a private party at Es Vive before strolling back home along the seafront where Jenna took her last dip. It was a great night out and the first time that I didn't have to leave early due to work the next day. It also dawned on me that before I left for London, whenever I went out I always had to be back home at a reasonable hour so I could feed Simba and Tyke in the morning. It was the same in the evenings as they were on two meals a day, unlike the other cats who would be given dried cat food once a day. As much as I loved my naughty little rascals, I was tied to the house morning and night, unable to partake in any reckless abandon - it was a bit like having babies I guess!

It actually turned into a weekend of leaving parties as I ended up going to Rock Nights with them on the Saturday night. An ace party, fairly underground with lots of locals - we all had to dress as rock stars so Jenna came as Amy Winehouse (she gets mistaken for her quite a lot), Ruby was Blondie and I was a cross between MIA and Lovefoxx, with a mini bee hive! Then as I carried on partying on the Sunday at We Love, they were meant to be having a quiet night in. I'm not sure what happened there as I got a text saying they were all on their way and a little while later, they all turned up. It was an excellent weekend and made me realise that although I really struggled with missing my London friends before I went back in July, I've still made some fantastic friends here (even though they have just left!) They were absolutely brilliant when I was heart-broken over the kittens and they've been here to share all the craziness that's happened over the last couple of months. Plus, through them I've met other people who are based here all year round and as soon as the season is properly over, there'll be time to spend with new friends.

They came over for dinner on Tuesday to check out my new home, see that I was settled in okay and celebrate all my recent great turn of events! Naturally we drank a toast to what has turned out to be a very special summer! It's only been a few months but I think we've all been on a journey of sorts and been able to share in each other's experiences too. I finally waved them good-bye on Thursday night at the airport, it was a sad moment but I know it won't be too long before I see them both again - there has been talk of 3-way Skype conversations!

When I woke up yesterday, after a mammoth 12-hours sleep (last week had been very busy socialising and working) I had that horrible sinking feeling as I realised that Ruby and Jenna had left and I probably wouldn't see the friends who'd been on the island over the week. Although I've stopped my meditation practice, I did try and apply the principles of observing how you were feeling but not reacting to it and it seemed to do the trick. That plus being very busy at work as Alberto and Yvonne are about to go to Bali for a month to finish the project there so there's lots that I need to go through with Alberto before he leaves.

In the afternoon I had a text from my friend Duncan. He'd been with the group staying in the villa at Cala Carbo (by some amazing coincidence, my friends ended up staying in a villa right by where I live and work) but I hadn't seen him as the two times I'd seen the others, he'd been elsewhere. Anyway, he said they were going to the Groove Armada concert at S'Estanyol and so I arranged to meet them there as it would have been a bit sad if I didn't get to see him before he left. I left work at 6 to get there for 7 to meet them. On the way, the van started making a strange noise. I thought it was small stones hitting the underside but the battery light came on and stayed on. I'd been having problems with the van all week, starting with a flat battery on Tuesday morning. By some miracle, it started again on Wednesday and was fine on Thursday although I made an appointment to take the van into a garage for a full service next week. I always get nervous when things happen with the van (not that things happen on a regular basis) as I don't know how to sort things out here. In London, if there was ever a problem, I'd be straight on the phone to the RAC and I had a local garage that I used. No such system here or not that I'm aware of.

I carried on driving with the battery light on (I'm sure all the petrol heads will be tutting and saying how I shouldn't have carried on driving but I didn't want to stop in the middle of the road in case I couldn't start again). Although the van was still going, the petrol gauge was dropping and the steering wheel felt decidedly stiff - not good when driving on windy roads. In the end, I came up to a restaurant and parked in their car park. I wasn't going to be deterred by something like a broken van so I walked to the nearest bar to call a cab. A quick text to Duncan told me that they were still in Cala Carbo so when the taxi arrived, I headed back to the shop where they could pick me up from. Alberto had a confused look on his face when I walked back in as he'd said good-bye to me about an hour earlier but I explained what happened. I think he was amused by the fact that I was still going to the party!

I met up with Duncan and the others and off we all went, me filling them in on how life in Ibiza was turning out. The gig was a good call as lots of island faces were there - it was good to get round and see people and start making arrangements for meeting up once the season is over. The others had to leave straight after the gig to go to the airport. As I said good-bye to them all, Jonny Bain gave me a massive hug and filled my ears with lots of support and encouragement - I got a bit teary-eyed. It's hard when your friends are all leaving! But even though friends have been leaving over the last few days, I know there are lots of people still here who I know and now will have time to establish friendships - it feels a bit like people are waiting for the season to finish so they can get on with the business of creating a rapport again - it can be really hard in the middle of the hectic holiday season!

The first few photos are from the Groove Armade concert - they were meant to turn up above this section but they somehow ended up right at the top.

Two weeks have gone by.....

...and I haven't written anything so time for a recap on what's been going on. After my last post, my friend Sophie came to stay for a few days. She'd planned her trip while I was in London and as I didn't know what would be happening with work, I decided I'd take a short break while she was here so I could hang out with her. Luckily Alberto was totally cool with me taking three days off while she was here, I guess only having one day off in about five weeks probably helped my case there.

It was lovely having Soph stay and having time off to hang out with her. Normally when friends are here, I'm in work-mode, they're in holiday-mode and the two worlds just don't seem to mix. Or not mix that well. I'll see friends where I can but if it's at a party, I normally have to disappear at some respectable hour. It's a shame as often I'd like to stay out partying but work is the priority so I'm keeping my very professional head on!

It was like having a mini holiday with Sophie and by the state of me on the first day, one I really needed. She arrived in the early hours of Friday morning and I picked her up from the airport. All day Friday I felt absolutely exhausted and heavy, I think the culmination of working loads with not much time off - I felt like all I wanted to do was sleep for about 48 hours. But it soon passed and I perked up again! We spent days hanging out on the beach and evenings trying out different restaurants. It was much-needed sun-worshipping time for me as I've not really spent full days on the beach over the summer and it suddenly dawned on me that soon it wasn't going to be warm enough to do that so time to catch some rays before the seasons change. We went to Cala D'Hort and that was a first for me. What a beautiful beach - I think it gets my prize for my favourite beach on the island. It's directly opposite the majestic Es Vedra (the third most magnetic spot in the world) and while my local beach Cala Carbo is like a little cove, Cala D'Hort feels vast and expansive. I was mesmerised by the shimmering water and gazed at it for ages - perhaps it was the force of Es Vedra at play! The photos above show Es Vedra from my flat and Cala Carbo beach which is a nice place to hang out for a couple of hours.

I had to go back to work on the Monday while Sophie continued sun-worshipping. Her flight was that night but inbetween me finishing work and Sophie going to the airport, we fitted in a few hours at DC10. I was a bit reluctant to go as I find it too busy and never really like the music but it was fantastic. The music was excellent, not all minimal and bleepy, I thought it was more deep housey - or maybe minimal has changed while I had my back turned for a few years. After a few hours, we dragged ourselves away reluctantly so that Soph could make her plane. So it now feels like I've had a little holiday myself on the holiday island!

A thought....

I was writing an email to a friend yesterday and in it mentioned the fact that after six months of plugging away but not seeing any results, things had suddenly fallen into place. When I thought about this later, I realised this isn't exactly the case.

Previous posts show that the first few weeks here I did nothing and took a 3-week rest to recharge batteries. When I started sending emails to estate agents, I quickly got a response from John. When we met, he suggested I contact Alberto and before I had a chance to, I'd bumped into him by accident. About ten days later I went to see him and then started working part-time a few weeks later. Once Alberto was back from Bali, I resumed working with him and a couple of days later, he asked me to run the shop and from there it's snowballed.

So not really the same as plugging away for six months and nothing happening. Things have always been moving in this direction, although I had no idea I'd be where I am, even a month ago. There's a lesson for me to learn here, I'm not entirely sure what it is, no doubt something to do with being patient. Or maybe things were never going to fall into place while I was still unsure about being here. Once that decision was made, things did start to magically fall into place!

Dinner with the boss!

I had dinner with Alberto the other night so we could talk over what it is he wants me to do. It was good, we had a lovely meal at Ancient People in Ibiza Town and talked away. He'd already told me most of it earlier in the day so I'd have time to think about things and then we could discuss over dinner.

As well as running the shop, he wants me to take over managing all the bookings for his boutique hotel in Marrakech. There may also be stuff to do for the boutique hotel opening in Bali later in the year. I'll have an assistant to help me too! The funny thing is, before he asked me to manage the shop, he'd asked me to help with admin. I'm not thrilled by the prospect of admin, never have been, but I agreed to help as we're a small team and everyone gets involved with everything. I'm not sure what happened but instead of doing a bit of admin, I've now got the shop to manage and I've been asked to help with Marrakech and Bali! Our new assistant will cover the admin as part of her duties.

It feels like after six months of plugging away but not really getting anywhere, everything has suddenly fallen into place. People tell me things have happened quickly for me but by my standards, it felt like it took forever and I'm not used to grafting away and not seeing any results. I've always had instant gratification (or what seems like instant) so this did test me somewhat. But things are definitely moving in the right direction and it's great!

There's going to be travel involved to both Marrakech and Bali, with the first trip planned for before Christmas. I came here not knowing what to expect or how things would turn out but the island doesn't seem to be telling me to leave.

People say that your experience in Ibiza will be like nowhere else. I'm not sure that's entirely true, I think your experience here will be like your experience anywhere as you play a big part in how your experience is. But I do think that things are a lot more intense here and things can happen very suddenly. In the space of two weeks, I had to deal with the death of Simba and Tyke, being offered the job and being given the marching orders from my old house. Things are going well for me now but I remain grateful and calm about them as I know that things can be whipped away from you, as quickly as they happened.

It seems as is things started moving in the right direction as soon as I made the decision that I definitely wanted to live here. Up until I went back to London, well for the last two months before I went back, I struggled with things and didn't know if this was the place to be. But I decided yes and then things started happening. Maybe this is how the world works.....