los gatos

I rarely go on the internet on a Sunday, deeming it a sacred day where I do nothing work-like (including cleaning). But as I've got the exhibition next weekend and designs for the display boards are still going back and forth between London and Ibiza, I've had to log-on on a Sunday to sign off on designs.

Now that I'm here, I thought it a good moment to introduce those wonderful gatos I share the house with, the cats! Red has already had plenty of coverage in my posts and his photo graced the post previous to this one. Red and I are great friends and have been since my first day at the house. He is a wonderful cat and I love him dearly. Of the five cats at the house, only three miaow and he is one of them. If you spend enough time at the house, you soon recognise the different miaows and know which cat it is. 

Red is up at my bedroom window as soon as it's light. He comes in through the window and waits with me while I do some yoga. Sometimes he joins in. Usually when he miaows he wants food or milk but sometimes he's just after a cuddle. Although there was one evening last week when he was in the house, miaowing away. I'd already given him some food and milk and didn't know what he wanted so I left him. I then went into my bedroom and saw Red trying to get out through a window that was closed. Nature was calling and he couldn't get out. I opened the front door and he bolted out before there was an accident. 

The two cats in the photo above are the babies of the house. Brother and sister, affectionately known (by me) as Little Red and Blacky. Like most siblings, they scrap but can also be found fast asleep, curled up next to each other. They were left at the house as kittens and have always been a bit wild. Little Red is okay and has always let me stroke her. Blacky, on the other hand, is paranoid and skitty, always ready for fight or flight. You couldn't touch him or get close to him, he'd swipe at your hand and his claws are sharp. Once when I was sat on the porch stroking Red and Little Red, Blacky was close by, watching the other cats get some attention, possibly a little enviously. I gently had a go at stroking him and he let me stroke him a couple of times, purring furiously. Then he swiped at my hand so I stopped and went back to the other cats. Blacky shouldered his sister out of the way and took her place getting stroked. It was hilarious to see. 

Since then, Blacky and I have also become good friends. He's still wild, still prone to bite and scratch but I don't think he realises that it can hurt. He trys to play fight with me, the way he does with some of the other cats but it never works. Even with his moments of wildness, it's amazing to see how tame he's become in recent weeks. Whenever I'm in the house or garden, Blacky is usually near by, often weaving amongst my legs and always purring furiously. He seems to want love and affection more than extra food or milk - he always gobbles it down if he gets any but never really asks (unlike Red). Although that may be because he doesn't miaow. I have become very fond of him. His personality is vastly different to Red, he's a cheeky devil, always getting into mischief but deep down inside, he's not as brave as he makes out. If the stray tom cat that terrorises the house turns up to steal the food, Blacky is usually hiding behind the sofa, not defending his patch.  

Little Red doesn't miaow, she squeaks. We think she may be pregnant, her tummy is looking suspiciously big. She's barely a baby herself. She used to get lots of attention from me, it's been less so in recent weeks due to her big brother. If he sees any other cat getting attention, he's straight in wanting some himself so the other cats are missing out on some tlc. 

The other two cats in the house are Fouzie/Fozzie and Sheba. Fouzie is black, long-haired and had us in fits of laughter once when it was windy and his hair was blown up so it looked like he had big hair. He has a funny lop-sided face, I'm not sure why that is. Fouzie and Blacky can often be found play-fighting in the house. On the one hand, it's quite amusing as they look so funny, on the other  hand, it's destructive as they always managed to knock things over. I usually end up sending them outside to carry on there.

The last cat is Sheba. She's the old lady of the place and isn't friends with any of the other cats. She always misses out on treats as she won't lower herself to eat from the same dish that any of the other cats are eating out of. She keeps herself to herself, hisses sharply if any of the cats get too close to her and is the one cat that I have no connection with. I don't think she really cares - she won't even be friendly in the hope of getting some treats, all she does is miaow.   

The cats are wonderful company, particularly while Bea's been away. They keep me entertained and amused. They even come on walks with me. I took a long walk on Easter Monday and Red and Blacky came with me. We went the back way, through the fields. I was amazed at how far they came, I kept expecting them to have enough and turn round and go home. But they came all the way with me, sniffing and exploring as we went. I turned back before we got onto the main road but it was a good walk. I think the cats enjoyed it but may have ended up being a bit thirsty by the end as on the way home, they both ran alongside me, mouths open, looking as if they were panting. 

Seven weeks in Ibiza.....

I was going to write something after four weeks here, capturing the various moments but it slipped to five weeks, six weeks and now after seven weeks, I'm getting round to writing how the first few weeks have been. It feels more like seven months, in a good way though. Next Friday will mark two months in Ibiza for me and I'll be busy exhibiting at an Interiors show just outside of Ibiza Town. That's going to be a great way to mark two months!

Anyway, back to the first few weeks. Although I scribbled away quite a lot in the first few weeks, capturing all the various moods I was going through, it was only after about three weeks that I really made sense of how I'd been feeling. That's how long it took before I started to feel settled. In the greater scheme of things, that's not long at all but then again, I am very impatient! Here's something I wrote to a friend just after three weeks:

"Feeling quite settled now. First three weeks felt like I was neither here nor there. Not huge amounts of contact with the life I'd left (for which I felt pangs of guilt) but feeling like a complete novice here - you start wondering where you belong. But something really clicked into place on Saturday and it's been quite magical since - the change in seasons, the end of winter and the start of spring may have something to do with it too! The light in the valley is quite breathtaking now, as are all the wild flowers in the fields.  For a city girl, my heart seems to be in the countryside". 

The first three weeks were a combination of being constantly amazed at the beauty of the island and moments of discomfort as I didn't know how to do this or that. You get so used to the life you're living that you never have to think about anything. Then you find yourself in a place where you have to start from scratch, in a language you don't speak, having to work out how to do the simplest things like posting letters. Bea was an absolute godsend - helping me with everything, drawing me maps to show me where I needed to go, explaining things, generally doing all she could to make my life easier. I felt so proud of myself when after a couple of weeks, I went off to buy wood by myself - it feels like a major achievement when you accomplish something by yourself. I guess it's like a child learning to walk - you appreciate the hand that holds you as you toddle along but you really want to do it by yourself. 

I also packed up my life in London so quickly that I didn't really have time to think about the move I was making. I finished work on a Tuesday, on the Wednesday I started packing properly and the following Monday morning, I loaded up the  van, collected Carole and headed off for my new life. It didn't really sink in what I was doing, it still hasn't. Once I arrived in Ibiza, I took it easy for a few weeks, catching up on sleep and trying to fix years of tiredness from London. I was quietly preparing things on the work front but not pushing things too much. As I mentioned in my earlier post, my daytimes were definitely looking forwards with not even a slight glance back at the life I left. I found myself wondering if that life had been so meaningless that I could leave it so easily and not look back. How could I forget my old life so quickly? But I hadn't really forgotten it - it would come to me every night in dreams. At night I always looked at the life I'd left. Perhaps in those uncomfortable moments in the first few weeks, I had to look forwards, only forwards so I wouldn't regret the much easier life I'd just left. 

I hid in the countryside in the first few weeks. If I did go anywhere, I'd keep myself to myself. I made contact with the few friends of friends I knew here but didn't arrange to meet up with anyone. I needed time to rest. I didn't feel ready to make new friends. When you're in that strange no-man's land you might come across as a desperate person who doesn't know anyone if you try too hard to get to know people. Perhaps you give off a funny vibe and people generally tend to avoid you. Also, making friends with Bea as soon as I arrived meant that I felt like I had a really good friend from the beginning. Actually I had two really good friends from the moment I arrived - the other one being Red who is gracing the photo with this post. Yes, okay I know he's a cat but we did actually become friends immediately and that was before he discovered that I'm soft-hearted and can be counted on giving treats to the cats. I love Red and perhaps he knows it and in return, loves me back!

The end of the third week saw me celebrating my birthday and from that day, something clicked into place and it's all felt very different since. My birthday reminded me of the importance of quality, not quantity when it comes to anything, particularly friends. Bea, who I'd known for three weeks, really made my birthday special. Someone else I know and have known for years was just a little strange but then again, he does seem to be a bit hot and cold with me.  

I'd said that after my birthday, I'd start to really move things forwards with finding work. The thing that I'd been so apprehensive about - contacting estate agents to see if I could leave my cards there - turned out to absolutely fine, as these things usually are. I didn't get many responses to the emails I sent out but I've spent a couple of days this week distributing my cards and they've been very well received. Only one place, a restaurant, asked what I'd do for them if they displayed my cards. We're meant to be having a talk about how we can work together, I'll see if I hear from them. 

I started to get recognised in the places where I tend to spend most time, people would wave to me and say "hola" as I went by. When you get to this stage, it's lovely. You start to feel that maybe, just maybe, you're starting to belong somewhere again. In Foodism, one of the internet cafes I use, after a few weeks it was as if I passed some magic test and became a friend. Before that, I'd been another random person using the wi-fi facility. Earlier this week, there was some serious bonding over a love of music with Mladen who owns Foodism. It's nice how it happened, it was very organic, not forced and now I'm glad that I didn't rush about in the first few weeks trying to make friends. 

After seven weeks I feel quite settled. I still need to make a big effort with learning Spanish - my brain doesn't seem to work as quickly as it did when I learnt Japanese in my early twenties. Bea is currently in Italy and hopefully should be back next week. I miss her and will be glad when she returns. But at least I'll have lots of new things to tell her about and even some new friends to introduce her too. I've slipped into a nice little routine. Even though I'm not working, I get up early and go swimming in the mornings. This has a double purpose - I get some exercise four or five times a week and I also get to take a hot shower and even dry my hair with my jumbo-strength professional hair dryer. I laughed a couple of weeks ago in the changing rooms when a lady asked me if I was a hairdresser. I said no and then pointed to my fringe. I'd cut it myself, it's now very choppy and uneven - I'm hoping to start a new fashion for jagged fringes. I have a Saturday routine not that dissimilar to the one I had in London, although instead of yoga on Saturday mornings, I go to the pool and do 40 lengths. Then it's off to an internet cafe to listen to the Six Million Steps radio show, broadcast out of London by my friends Andrew and DC. 

So, all in all seven weeks in, things are going well. There have been no major disasters, although I have managed to destroy a few things in the house. The worst was the sliding door at the back of the house. It hadn't been opened for years but after Bea and I had cleared the garden, I got excited and wanted to open up access to the garden from the kitchen and room at the back. I managed to prise the lock open, slid the door to one side and excitedly shouted to Bea to come and see what I'd done. She came and saw, meanwhile I moved to the other door to see if I could open that. As soon as I stepped aside, there was a scream from Bea, a crash and the sound of breaking glass. I turned round to see that the door I'd opened had completely collapsed, fallen out of the frame and as it crashed forwards, the glass broke. It missed me by inches. When we looked more closely at the broken door, we realised that the wood was completely rotten and it had been an accident waiting to happen. That happened. I felt guilty but less so when I found out that the rotten wood in the door had been known about, it had been known that it was a danger and nothing had ever been done about it.   

There's been some good news with the van. I didn't think I'd be able to drive it any longer once the European insurance ran out at the beginning of May. But there's a company that does insurance for British cars/vans in Spain. They've given me a good quote and all this means that I can carry on driving the van for at least another year. That's one less thing to think about. 

So all in all, going well. Long may it continue! 

 

Dreams....

No not the hopes and aspirations type, but the ones you have at night. Ever since arriving in Ibiza, I've found that my dreams are vastly more clear and vivid than before. I've always dreamt in technicolour but usually in the morning, I wouldn't be able to remember the dreams. But here, every night it's like going to the cinema although I never have any idea what I'm going to be seeing.

My dreams are from my previous life. The first few weeks I was here, my daytimes were very much about looking forwards. But at night, my dreams were always about the life I'd left. It made me realise that although I wasn't looking back at what had been, subconsciously I hadn't let go. I guess that's normal, you don't spend a decade in a place building up a life and after leaving it, forget about it. Unless of course, you're running away from the life you had (which I'm not) and in that scenario, I imagine you try and forget what was before as quickly as possible. 

The other thing of note about my dreams is the cast of characters that make cameo appearances. Perhaps I've always dreamt like this but never been able to remember it. My younger sister with her Facebook "it's complicated" personal life often visits me in my dreams. We always seem to be fighting in my dreams, at times it gets quite violent. I dream about my friends but often I dream about the ones who are further down in my subconcious mind. And at times, I have strange dreams about people from my past who suddenly make an appearance after decades. One dream included this girl Ashley who used to work at the riding school where I worked. She wasn't a friend, I was scared of her, she was older and she was mean. I have no idea why she appeared, it's not as if she's someone I'd even thought of in recent years but there she was in my dream, with her red hair and heavy frame.  

In another dream, someone I was at university with was getting married. He was marrying the girl that he'd gone out with at university. But the weird thing about the dream was that soon after we all graduated, he declared that he was gay and set up home with his boyfriend. In this dream, I was attending the wedding but wondering to myself why he was getting married if he was gay? Once again, this is not someone I'm in contact with or someone I think of so once again, a little strange to have his cameo appearance. 

As I dream, I seem to be aware of the strange dreams I'm having. Once awake, I don't immediately remember the dreams, they come to me later in the day. Something happens and you're transported back to the dream you had and it comes back to you, piece by piece. My friend Jay was in my dream last night. I only remembered this afternoon while I was at an auction. I'm not sure what triggered me remembering the dream but suddenly Jay loomed back into my consciousness. It was good to see him, I haven't seen him in a while, ever since he ran away to live life in Sweden. 

I'm not sure what my dreams mean. Perhaps someone who analyses dreams can fill me in on what it's all about. I think it would be interesting to know!

The British Ukrainian Society

I know it probably doesn't make sense to throw in a post about the British Ukrainian Society in the middle of my Ibiza musings but I'm going to anyway. This was meant to have been written two months ago, as I was coming to the end of my year at the Society. But things were hectic, the post never got written - until now. I don't want to leave it any longer as I might forget things and I certainly want to write about the Society, to get it down somewhere - so I never forget that unforgettable year.

This is how it came about, how I ended up as the Head of Secretariat for the British Ukrainian Society, how I came to have something called a "portfolio career". It came out of the blue, completely unexpectedly. I got a call in December 2006 from Anthony Fisher, a consultant I'd worked with at Bell Pottinger Consultants. He'd left Bell Pottinger and was working for a small group of strategic consultants, heavily involved with Ukraine. They'd had the idea to set up a bilateral society between the two countries, talk had been replaced with action, a Chairman had been appointed, a date had been discussed for the London launch and they just needed to find someone to actually set up and run the Society. My name was recommended following the work I'd done to organise the inaugural weekend for the Global Leadership Foundation and I got the call.

The timing was perfect. After three years physically working on site for my interiors company, I'd gotten tired and wanted to stop toiling in the dirt and dust. It's hardly glamourous being covered in paint all the time and the feel of that fine construction dust that gets everywhere was starting to make my skin crawl. But decorating had been how I'd earned most of my money so I needed to find an alternative way of generating an income. At the same time, I was also feeling pangs of missing my old world, the excitement and thrill of being right in the centre of something political and international. I love interiors, it is my calling in life but there were some things it couldn't give me, just due to the nature of the work. It could be very solitary. I would work all day on site with my wonderful Polish builders who spoke very little English. I'd then come home to an empty flat, exhausted from working eight or ten hours on site. There was no social life on a school night, I'd rarely even have the energy to speak to friends on the phone. At times it was a very lonely existence but you make that sacrifice when you're on that road, getting to wherever you're trying to get to. 

I got the call at around the same time that I checked my bank balance and found it heavily in the red. This was not good obviously but after a few years of making myself ill when stressed and worried, I decided not to worry about it and trust that something would come my way to help my financial predicament. That something was the call from Anthony about the Society. He briefed me on the Society, asked if I'd be interested in getting involved and asked for my CV for the Directors and the Chairman. I smiled to myself when asked for a CV - I'd been running my interiors business for four years and it'd been a long while since I'd even looked at my CV, let alone updated it. I quickly put something together, added in my work for the GLF and my interiors experience and sent it to over to him. As I glanced over at my updated CV, I thought "yep, quite impressive on paper" - I hadn't paid much attention to the work I'd done in my previous life as a Consultant but seeing it all on paper in front of me was a good feeling. 

Soon after welcoming in 2007, I heard from Anthony. The Chairman and Directors had seen my CV and wanted to see me. First was a meeting with the Chairman, Richard Spring, a senior Tory politician. We met, had a chat and got on. Technically this was an interview but ever since being made redundant, I've found that formal recruitment procedure doesn't exist for me. The international projects I've been involved in since moving into interiors have been some of the most high-level, exciting things I could have hoped to work on. I get a call, there's a meeting to discuss the project and I've ended up being responsible for something quite special. It's funny how things turn out after something like redundancy.  

After that meeting, I came away with the feeling that I could work with Richard and that's something that is very important to me. When you're your own boss, you choose who you work with quite carefully, particularly if you've had any experience of working with people where the whole process has been a complete nightmare. At this meeting, it also transpired that they were looking for someone to launch and run the Society. I thought I'd been approached just to launch it but it was more than that. After explaining that I could only do it if I could still run my interiors business, I was given the assurance that the role would be flexible and not full-time so I decided to accept the challenge. I told them my fee as a freelance consultant - this was agreed and I started the following week, following a meeting with some of the founding Directors. 

The first few months at the Society were certainly a challenge. People had the idea for a Society but no-one (including me) knew what that actually involved. I always feel uncomfortable when I find myself somewhere new, doing something different and not entirely sure what I'm doing or how I'm meant to be doing it. There were definitely some moments in the first few weeks where I found myself thinking "I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know if I can do this........" I had to work out what exactly my role was. I'd given myself the lofty title of Head of Secretariat but we had a very strong Board of Directors and I didn't know how much they wanted to do, how much they wanted to drive things forward, particularly those whose idea the Society it was in the first place. I also found myself sharing an office with someone who had wanted my role but had never put herself forward for it in the wrong assumption that you'd need to speak Ukrainian for the position. I think it galled her up that the job had gone to someone who spoke no Ukrainian, had little knowledge of the country, it's history, it's culture, it's society and it's politics. I found her difficult and unhelpful, although I think she was meant to be my admin support. On a number of occasions I was at the receiving end of a verbal assault from her. One time as I sat there listening in disbelief to her tirade, she said "Do you really think you should be doing this job if you can't speak the language?" - I was about two seconds away from walking out of the job but decided against it as I felt it would be letting Richard and the other Directors down. 

Difficult personalities aside, we had a Society to launch and a fairly tight timescale to work to. Things were going well and the Minister for Europe had agreed to be our Guest of Honour at the launch of the Society. I liaised directly with his office, comfortable being in contact with my former place of work, the Foreign Office. A couple of weeks later when talking to his office, I was told that due to diary commitments, the Minister wouldn't be able to fulfill the engagement. I immediately relayed this information to Richard and the other Directors. Talks took place between both sides to see what was going on. It was a strange time for me, it felt like the Foreign Office wanted nothing to do with us even before we'd launched and being ex-Foreign Office, it was weird to feel like a pariah. As the talks went back and forth, I carried on making preparations for the launch, even though we weren't sure what was going on. There came a point where there was no more that I could do without having some confirmed details so I took myself off home to await some decisions that I couldn't make. As I left the office that afternoon, I felt like I'd been sacked and the next few days were quite miserable for me. 

At the end of that week, I got a call from Richard to say that we were going to launch on the designated date, without the Minister. We were less than a month away from the launch date, there was still a huge amount to do and if the decision had been left to me, I would have said we didn't have enough time to do it properly and would have postponed it. But Richard didn't want any further delay, we needed to launch in London as soon as possible so we could launch in Kyiv before the summer break. This was one of the wonderful things about working with Richard - he wouldn't let setbacks stop him moving forwards or even slowing down and if there's one thing I learnt from him, it was that.  

I was back in the office the following Monday and picked up where I'd left off. As it got closer to the launch date, I was concerned that we wouldn't have many people attending and our 200-person capacity venue would feel decidedly empty. Due to the earlier stall in the proceedings, the invitations hadn't gone out when I wanted to send them out. Instead they went out just before Easter so most people received them while they were away from the office for Easter. But a chance suggestion from Anthony to speak to Adam Smith Conferences proved a success. They organise an annual investment conference on Ukraine in London and therefore have an extensive database of contacts who have an interest in Ukraine. I asked if they could invite their contacts to our launch and they agreed. The only problem was that I didn't give them an allocated number of places and as soon as their email went out inviting key contacts to the launch, I started receiving numerous emails from people interested in attending.

In the space of twenty four hours, I went from worrying that we wouldn't have enough people attending the launch to worrying that we'd have too many! There were a number of frantic phone calls to the venue to see how we could increase the space available as I watched the number of attendees continue upwards. Richard was overseas while this was happening and he called to see how I was getting on. I think his exact words were "So, are the numbers flooding in?" and I squeaked "yes, I think we may have too many people..." and he told me not to worry.

I continued to worry about the numbers until the day before the launch when I did a final count. I'd been avoiding totting up the numbers as I didn't want to start turning people away if they wanted to attend. In the end, I think we had about 280 names on the guest list for the launch. A very respectable number and I decided that if at any point it did get too crowded, I'd have to deal with that dilemma when it happened. The venue were fully briefed on our numbers and we would just have to see how things were on the night.

The launch of the Society turned out to be a wonderful success. We had a fantastic turnout and a very diverse crowd that included politicians, media, business people, artists, musicians and academics. Unfortunately the Ukrainian Ambassader was unable to attend as he was in Cardiff with the President awaiting the announcement on who would host the World Cup in 2012. Ukraine got it, jointly with Poland so it was a double celebration that night. It was difficult for me to gauge how well the night was going, it was certainly busy and it seemed like people were enjoying themselves. But as I've never been involved with a bilateral Society or even organised this kind of event, I had little to compare with. The next morning when I went back into the office and checked my emails, the messages I got congratulating us on the resounding success of the launch told me that it had been a success!

It wasn't all easy though. There are a number of Ukrainian organisations that already exist in the UK. We needed to have a good rapport with all of them and it largely fell to me to build up these relationships. Sometimes in the early days I came across suspicion and hostility from people or organisations I needed to be talking to. There were lots of questions raised on why we existed, where the funding came from, what we were really about. Although it's tempting just to avoid any people or places that don't welcome you with open arms, I knew this wasn't an option for me. I had to get out there and make friends, even if people didn't want to be friends in the first place. I had to get past any feelings of discomfort and find common ground, to build bridges not walls. It was something I invested a lot of time and effort in but it turned out to be thoroughly enjoyable and rewarding. I found myself meeting some of the key people in the Ukrainian community in the UK and finding out more about their history, culture and society and in particular how the country had suffered at the hands of Stalin. 

It may have looked a little strange having a British Pakistani person running the Society but if anyone had anything to say about it, I never heard it. I found an immense level of warmth and hospitality towards me from the people I met and ultimately this created pure joy for me in the job. Working with Richard was an absolute delight. It turned out that although our backgrounds are vastly different, we seemed to operate on a similar level when it came to delivering and that made us work really well together as a team. 

Although things were starting to go well, having launched in London and getting ready to launch in Kyiv, there were still wobbles. Possibly the worst one being when "Private Eye" decided to write a piece on the Society, dragging the names of the two MPs involved with the Society through the dirt. The journalist had been sniffing around for a couple of weeks so we knew that something might get written. The day the piece came out, I had a call from one of my friend's at Bell Pottinger saying "Have you seen this week's Private Eye?". I'd already seen the article so knew what she was talking about. There was nothing that damaging and it wasn't going to ruin anyone's career but it really drove home the point that the Society had to do what it said it was going to do and it had to do it really well! By the time of the article, we had a fairly good idea of who was going to drive the Society forwards and that came down to Richard and me. 

We launched the Society in Kyiv in July, once again with very little time to make the arrangements. The launch was set for a Thursday, I flew in on the Tuesday and from the moment I arrived to the moment I left, it was hectic. We needed to set up high level meetings for Richard while he was in Kyiv. When I arrived on the Tuesday, we had no confirmed meetings in his diary. By the time he left on the Friday afternoon, he'd had a number of key high-level meetings including the Foreign Minister and the British Ambassador. The launch itself was another success with a number of VIPs that included the current and former Foreign Minister, the British Ambassador, the EU Ambassador to Ukraine and various key people from Kyiv society. The photos at the top of this post are from the Kyiv launch. Our official photographer had arrived early and started discreetly snapping away while we made the final arrangements. We were engaged in a minor disagreement about the positioning of the lectern and mike for the speeches. I wanted it in one place, everyone else wanted it positioned on the opposite side of the stage. I stood firm on this one, even though I had five people trying to make me change my mind but I think ultimately I got it right. The photographer captured the moments perfectly in his pictures and I think they're the only photos I've seen of me at work, in action!

After launching in London and Kyiv, I carried on doing as much as I could to raise the profile of the Society and started preparing for our first big event. Ukraine saw elections to nominate a Prime Minister at the end of September and we were organising a panel discussion just after the elections to discuss the future of the country. Working in collaboration with Oxford University, the LSE and UCL, we compiled a panel of Ukraine experts from the worlds of government/politics, media and academia. We had Labour MP Stephen Byers as the Chairman. The whole event came together really well and we had an excellent turnout. We also secured a sponsor a couple of weeks before which was an added coup. As this was the first event that the Society was organising, I wanted to make sure that it was excellent. Both our launches had been very successful. On the one hand that's great as you have a very good start in life. On the other hand, it raises people's expectations and you always have to deliver to that same level, or more. 

In the run-up to the event, I put in an enormous amount of time and effort but it meant that in the days immediately before the event, I was calm and collected. I knew I'd done as much as I could do, we had a very respectable number of people attending and if anything was to go wrong at this point, I'd have to deal with it when it happened. Things did happen - our panel attendant flying in from Kyiv didn't get his visa for the UK and we found out the day before the event. We literally had a couple of hours to get that fixed, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to get on the plane the morning of the event. There were a serious of frantic phone calls between London and Kyiv but in the end, it all came good. Our panel member from the Financial Times had to pull out at the last minute due to work commitments. There wasn't enough time to find a replacement but we went ahead with our panel one short but still made up of key Ukraine commentators. 

I organised a few more events for the Society before I left to move to Ibiza. The last big event was a speech in the House of Commons, delivered by Nicholas Soames MP, grandson of Winston Churchill. Once again, our event went really well and at the reception afterwards, I received some very positive feedback. By this time, I'd announced to everyone that I'd be leaving at the end of my year at the Society so it was a good time to glance over what we'd done and what we'd achieved over the year. It had always been difficult for me to gauge how we were doing in comparison to other similar organisations. But people attending our events filled this in for me. Apparently we were doing really well, our events were fun and well-attended, always with a diverse group of people. From our difficult beginnings where we had been viewed with suspicion and mistrust, we'd turned things around and people were genuinely happy that we were in existence. The Ukrainian Embassy in London was thrilled with the work we were doing in helping to raise the profile of Ukraine in the UK so all the hard work certainly paid off. 

In my last few months at the Society, I had the chance to look over the experience and try and make some sense of it. Something happened to me while I was working there, difficult to explain but it felt like I had fallen in love with my work. I absolutely loved what I did there and the sense of achievement was greater than I'd ever experienced before. Yes, at times it was very difficult and in the early days, I found myself wondering why I was doing this, it all seemed like such a struggle. It felt like guiding a ship through very choppy waters, going forwards, always going forwards regardless of what was happening around us. I found myself wondering if I loved that work more than I loved interiors but I realised the difference. Interiors brings me joy but that joy is to do with space and light and making something truly beautiful. The Society also brought me immense joy but that joy was from the people I met and worked with that year. I realised that both things are important to me, I need to have both in my life and had I have stayed in London, I would have continued with my portfolio career, juggling the Society with interiors projects.

My year at the Society had me pull together all my working experience and deploy it in one go. At times it was as if I stepped out of myself and watched myself in action. When I started there, I had no idea what I could achieve. At the end of the year, I realised I'd achieved more than I ever imagined I could. I got thrown in to the deep end on a project and had to make it succeed, even if I had little idea about what I was doing. Always the perfectionist, I set high standards for the Society and then made sure we achieved them. I knew that if we didn't succeed, I would take it very personally. Looking back over what I've just written, it makes it sound as if I did everything but that wasn't the case. Richard drove the Society and pushed things forward at the highest level, a level where I wouldn't carry any clout. We also had a very strong Board of Directors but they tended to be less hands-on, letting Richard and I get on with the task in hand. 

I saw what could be achieved in a year if you remain focussed and driven and determined. Perhaps it felt like I'd achieved more here than I had with my interiors business but I know that's not the case. The achievements have been equal and I just have to look at my website to see how much I've achieved there. My whole adult life has been driven to get me to a particular place. I didn't really know what that place was but knew that when I got there, I'd know. With the Society, I reached that place - the potential I always knew I had was fulfilled. The Society gave me a confidence I hadn't had before - deep in my heart, I will always know that I can do something, even if things are very wobbly at times. As I've said before, working with Richard was an absolute delight and it showed me how well a 2-person team can work, if your vision is the same. I also felt like an honorary Ukrainian, so warmly was I welcomed into the community. It made me realise that yes, London is a melting pot of people and cultures but often they never mix. And that is very sad. I met some truly wonderful, amazing people through my work with the Society but even though we all live in the same city, if it hadn't of been for the Society, our paths would never have crossed. 

In some ways, I'm glad that the beginning was a little difficult, life always seems to be like that. If things had been smooth and easy from the onset, I wouldn't have appreciated how much we achieved. I threw everything I had into this project to make it succeed and in return, it gave me more than I imagined something could. I saw how much I'd evolved in my decade working in London and I reached a place where frankly, if I never go any higher, I don't mind. I also felt comfortable saying the things I'm not so good at - admin for a start! Before, I felt that I should be a good all-rounder, now I know that the things I'm good at, I'm really good at. The things I'm not so good at (all the "back of house boring stuff"), well someone else should do that, it's a waste of resources getting me to do it!

The Society was wonderful for me and in return, I hope I played my part in setting up an organisation that has strong foundations and continues to grow and flourish in the years to come. I will never forget my year there and whenever I have a wobble (it's normal, it's a part of life), I'll think back to 2007 and remember what we did, what we achieved. I've had people ask me if I have any regrets leaving the Society when I obviously feel so strongly for it. And no, I don't have any regrets. I left on an amazing high with what we'd achieved, who knows how I would have been feeling if I'd stayed on longer. It came to me out of the blue, I was open to it and it allowed me to throw everything I had in to it! I know I put my heart and soul in to it and in return I have memories I will cherish forever! 

All systems go!

It's been over a week since I last posted. That's because all my internet time has been used up with work-related stuff but I've got a little lull so I can catch up with my life again.

After taking it easy for the first few weeks after arriving, it has been all systems go on the "finding work" front. Lots of emails and designs going back and forth between London and Ibiza - all for a postcard to showcase my work and something I will distribute to all key people and places. That went to print today, will be ready on Friday and then things will really get busy.

I also spotted details about an interiors show taking place next month. After calling the lady organising it, I decided that it would be a good place to launch the business so I've signed up for a stand. I was a bit worried that the smallest space I could take was 10 square metres and it's just me and my laptop so the space might look a bit empty. Not the best impression for an interiors consultant. But I'm going to get some photos enlarged and mounted and see if I can get an interiors shop to lend me some display furniture for the exhibition (in return for a card saying where the furniture came from). They may say no but you have to ask! Then it'll be a case of inviting key people, the English-language newspapers on the island (I may well be the only non-Spanish person exhibiting so possibly a good story there) and anyone else who may be interested!

So things are happening and I'm doing things at my pace - which appears to be a little quicker than other people's pace. I've had a few people say "slowly, slowly, it takes a long time to do anything in Ibiza" but I'm far too impatient to go too slowly with anything, in case I stall and stop. I'm not sure how real the "slowly, slowly" advice is - it may just be an excuse people use for why it took them a long time to do anything on the island. Time will tell. 

I was reading the blog of another British girl who moved to the island a few years ago. Although upbeat and a great read, I came away feeling disheartened. She'd written somewhere else that basically if you move to the island, you need to come with enough money to survive for a few years, not a few months. I have enough savings to survive for a few months. When she moved to the island, she sold her house in the UK, sold all her possessions and came with a healthy amount in the bank. I could have done that too but chose not too. I'm not prepared to get off the property ladder in London and I'm attached to my possessions as they remind me of people and places that are special and important. Then I reminded myself that her experience doesn't have to be my experience and I can still be a success here without thousands in my bank account. Plus, if that was the case, I really would  be having a very long holiday, frittering away all my cash and then having a very major panic! After my little pep talk, I felt much better!

I'm glad the next few weeks are going to be busy distributing my cards across the island and getting ready for the interiors show. Bea has gone to Italy for a few weeks and the house is strangely quiet without her. I prefer it when she's here, she's great company and if I'm completely frank, I don't really enjoy being at the house on my own. The days are fine - if the weather's good, I tend to spend a lot of time outside. But the evenings alone in the house can be a little boring. I think I've also had my fill of living alone and now prefer living with good company. If I never lived alone again, I'd be quite happy. I always wanted to live on my own just to see that I could do it. I know that I can so I don't really need to do it anymore. 

The cats have been fun company while Bea's been away. I like watching the cat dynamics. There are five altogether - Red, Fouzie and three others whose names we didn't know so we've named them ourselves. We've now got Whitey, Little Red and Blacky. Red is my favourite, closely followed by Little Red. Blacky is a cheeky little thing and although completely paranoid and skitty, is hilarious to watch at play. Whitey doesn't seem to be friends with any of the other cats and keeps herself to herself. Little Red is friends with Red and spends a lot of time with Blacky, her brother. Like most siblings, there's a lot of love and a lot of fighting between those two! Blacky will often engage in play fights with Fouzie and although they cause havoc in the house, they make me laugh. Cheeky as he is, Blacky doesn't try to fight with Red or even go too close to him - Red appears to have the respect of the other cats. I have a real soft spot for Red, he has a wonderful gentle personality but he doesn't strike me as a happy, smiley cat. He knows which is my bedroom window and as soon as it's light, he'll be at the window, miaowing to let him in. It's very difficult to see his little face at the window and ignore him so he comes in most mornings. The cats have all sussed that Red gets little treats from me so they hang around him quite a bit - the treats now get shared out amongst all!

I was going to do an update to mark four weeks in Ibiza but I've missed the deadline as it was last Friday. Instead I'll do one for five weeks, capturing all the moments so far!

Happy Birthday Me!

I celebrated my 39th birthday on Saturday. Seeing it in writing, 39 seems well, not very young. But I don't feel any different to when I was 22, apart from not being worried as to how my life was going to turn out. 

I toyed with the idea of staying in London for my birthday and moving to Ibiza straight after. I'm glad I decided against that, coming out here as soon as I could. Being here for three weeks prior to my birthday gave me time to get a little settled and feel at home before the big day. As I'm about to "launch" my interiors business on the island, I've turned 39 poised for action, not packing up my life in London and getting ready to move overseas. I think it's a better way to start this new age, instead of going through some of the unsettling moments I experienced when I first arrived.

I was woken early on Saturday morning by the phone ringing. It was my parents calling from London to wish me "happy birthday" - they decided to call early and catch me, in case I was out after that. I went back to bed after but couldn't sleep so lay in bed thinking about turning 39. It dawned on me that I was going into the final year of my 30s (it sounds old but I don't feel old at all, not even very grown up!). I've decided to see out this decade in style and end it on a real high! 

I hated turning 30. There was a part of me that thought by 30, there were certain things I should have achieved. In my early 20s, I imagined myself at 30, high-flying career, driving around in a convertible, living in a penthouse apartment with my perfect man at my side. Not being materialistic, I'm not sure where this all came from but it's where I thought I'd be at 30. Instead, I turned 30 earning a pittance working at the Foreign Office (in a job that was fantastic though), living in a shabby but lovely rented flat in Crystal Palace. It was on the top floor of the building so I guess you could say it was the penthouse apartment. As I had little money, I tended to travel round on the bus. And as for the perfect man - well he's still being somewhat elusive and we've yet to cross paths. To make matters worse, my younger sister was engaged and although I'd always thought she'd get married before me, to have your younger sister with a more sorted life than you can be a little disheartening. I remember lying on the floor, legs up in the air thinking "it's not quite what you imagined.....". I have no idea why I was lying in this particular position but I remember it very clearly.

After I turned 30, things got better and better. I found myself moving towards the things I wanted to be doing - it was as if you get closer to the person that you really are. I definitely started to feel more and more comfortable in my skin. I took my invaluable Foreign Office experience and moved into the private sector, working as a consultant at Bell Pottinger Consultants. After being made redundant from the consultancy along with 7 other consultants, I decided to become my own boss and set up an interiors business. I had no experience, no training, no clients but a firm belief in my heart that that was what I should be doing and I went for it! I look at my website now, look at the work that I've done and think "wow, that's your work, even with no training!"

My late 30s saw me with what is known as a portfolio career - juggling two very different worlds. I was working in interiors but would still be called to consult on international/political projects. I don't think of myself with a career though, just someone who's been lucky to have two things that I love doing, even if they are completely different. In fact, my last year in London saw me designing interiors and running the British Ukrainian Society, both jobs that I absolutely adored and both giving me things that the other couldn't. 

So, although I hated turning 30, I've loved the decade and look forward to seeing how it ends. If Saturday was an indication, it'll be a very special year. I had a wonderful birthday, starting with the phone call from my parents and one a little later from my sister and my nephew and niece. I missed a call from my friend Claudette (although I don't think she knew it was my birthday) but she left a message and I keep listening to it as it puts a huge smile on my face. Bea had stayed in Ibiza Town on the Friday night and she came back on Saturday morning, carrying presents specially chosen for me. An iris from the garden (my favourite flower), a beautiful suede-bound notebook to capture my thoughts, a t-shirt in one of my favourite colours, a lovely hair band to keep my fringe back as I can't have it down anymore. For someone who's only known me for three weeks, she chose some very special things. 

I also managed to tune in to the Six Million Steps radio show on the internet. I guested on their show just before I left for Ibiza and this was the first time since arriving that I'd been able to tune in again. I emailed to say I was tuned in and got a birthday shout over the radio! Later in the afternoon, Bea and I walked in to the village of Santa Agnes for birthday cake and coffee. Before going to the cafe, we stopped in to see Manfred, a German guy who's been on the island for years. He makes leather bags for a living - beautiful, classic designs carefully crafted. If I ever want to see man-made beauty, I wander round his shop. I picked up a treat for myself, a little purse made from lime green leather - which he promptly gave me as a birthday present. We all went for coffee and cake in the sunshine.

Bea and I went out for dinner in the evening, after witnessing the most spectacular sunset - possibly a special birthday treat from the gods. We also connected her portable speakers to my Mac and suddenly we had the choice of about 8,500 songs to listen to! I had visions of DJing at beach bars using my lap top - I think I'll see if I can make that happen. Stevie Wonder sang "Happy Birthday" to me and I was then spotted jumping up on the sofa, arms and head raised to the sky, singing along to Spandau Ballet's "Gold". Both Bea and I love that track, one of the many things we've mutually bonded over! Yesterday we went to our local beach, 10 minutes drive away. The sea was glorious but cold and I took my first paddle, dipping my feet in for about 3 seconds. 

I've had a truly wonderful birthday and I'm glad that I decided to celebrate it in Ibiza. There were lots of things that put a smile on my face, including the flock of sheep that were grazing in the field at the top of my camino (hence the photo). As I drove to Santa Gertrudis in the afternoon, I passed a horse and cart which also made me smile. I felt this lovely happiness inside, a real sense of peace and joy about being where I am. It's been the first time since arriving that I felt happy just for the sake of feeling happy - it's a lovely feeling.