What Azra did next...

Wow, it's been over two months since my last post. The longest I'd ever left if before was about three weeks so that's quite a gap. A lot has happened in that time so guess I'll jot in down here...

In my last post I talked about my desire to write a novel. I've finished my creative writing course and to be honest it was not very good. That may just have been the teacher but I didn't feel like I learnt anything and certainly not how to write creatively. Maybe I just can't write fiction, everything I wrote was based on my own personal experiences. I had really hoped to learn how to put together compelling stories and plots and create characters but I feel no closer to this than when I first started. However, this much I know - I'm not creative unless I'm feeling fairly happy in my life and as the last few months have been full of uncertainty, the atmosphere has not been conducive to creating anything. I haven't given up on the writing, maybe I can write fiction in different circumstances but at present, nothing is coming. Or it may be that I can only write based on personal experience and I'm just not ready to do a memoir-style thing (and nor do I want to). I'll give it another go later!

I also spoke about having no idea what my life was going to be like in London again. I certainly didn't expect to be doing what I've started doing but then I never do the expected, whatever that may be. I've just set up another business, this time a botanically-based skin care business. I always thought that if I set up another business, I'd do products as opposed to a service that I offer. The problem with a service is that you're capped on what you can earn, you can't duplicate yourself or work more hours than there are in the day and you get to a point and then get stuck. I've spoken to other freelance people and many of them echo this very same thing.

The products are from a company called Arbonne, Swiss-formulated and made in the States. The products were launched in the UK in November 2007 and will never be found in retail outlets so it's up to Consultants like me to spread the good word (and they are amazing!). They are chemical-free, paraben-free and don't contain any animal by-products (the collagen that is put into cosmetics and skin care to plump things up is made from chicken's feet - yuk!). It's all happened very unexpectedly and it's been a steep learning curve taking in all this new information, particularly detailed information about the skin care industry.

Now that I've got started and am on my way, I'm pretty excited about this. However, there was a point about two weeks ago when it felt like a petulant child had a raging tantrum in my head. For two days. At one point it got so bad I had to go for a run to try and get rid of it! I've always pushed myself, had high expectations (sometimes too high and it can be a pain as no-one else has any expectations of me) and followed my heart, usually making brave bold moves that others would perhaps think about for 5 seconds and then leave, the prospect of that leap being too much to fathom. Well, I'm the person who would always make that leap, go for the thing that no-one would do! That's what happens when you follow your heart, you end up doing crazy things as it feels right and you have no other way of making decisions as you've always followed your heart, always done what feels right, even if it seems totally bonkers!

This decision was not based on anything going on in my heart, I didn't have any sort of feeling about it apart from "well nothing else has fallen into place so far, lets give it a go...". But once I did, my petulant child raged, tormenting myself about making a decision to do something that anyone could do - for all intents and purposes, anyone could set up an Arbonne business. There's a formula that you follow, you feel like a sheep and at times it has felt like the blind leading the blind. There are certain aspects I have not been impressed with but that's made me determined to do it better myself, particularly when putting together my own team. Anyway, I let the child rage for 2 days and then came to terms with why I had made this decision - I've led an amazing life, had fantastic experiences and done more so far than some people will do in their lifetime. But at no point did I ever think of financial security or stability - that's all far too sensible for me and I figured it would just happen (I think I always thought I would marry it which in itself it quite a scary prospect....). So apart from buying a flat when properties were still dirt cheap, I have no financial security at all. If I don't work there is no money - I may have done amazing things but I haven't built anything to carry on earning, even when I'm doing something else!

So, that's what Arbonne is about for me. I've set some new goals - I'd like a house in London and a house in Ibiza. I assumed that these things would come into my life along with a husband so I never made them personal goals. Regardless of what happens in my private life, if having a house is important (and it is), then I need to find some way of making it happen! Onwards and upwards!

I feel like I can come out of my enforced hibernation now. Well I have to in order to start spreading the Arbonne word! I've hidden away the last few months, I'm like that when I'm not sure what's going on. I've seen a couple of very good friends regularly and they have kept me feeling chipper during the past few months! I'm going to blog more, particularly as I think it will be a good way to chart my Arbonne progress and success!