I'm having a *gulp* what have you done? moment....

I haven't really written much about my trip to Marrakech, I certainly haven't written anything about my stay at our riad. I will write more about my Marrakech experience but for the time being, I think I should explain what I have just done to cause my *gulp* moment.

When I was in Marrakech, effectively I was acting as a Consultant, getting to the root cause of what wasn't working and then making suggestions for improvement. As a Consultant, I would also implement the changes needed to make the project become a resounding success. As a Consultant in London, I had a reputation for delivering at the highest level. I'm still that person, I just live in a different place. For any project you need to have one person who is the driving force behind it, who makes it get to where it needs to be, who makes it all happen. That's usually me.

Since my return, I've compiled a 7-page report of what's not quite right about the place. I've been asked how I can help to make the improvements. I've said that I'm happy to act as a Consultant but we need to review terms and conditions - ie what I get paid. I'm not prepared to give away my skills and experience for a pittance. I don't know how this will be received, hence my *gulp* moment. The last few weeks have been a real eye-opener but I'm not going to go into details here. If you're interested in knowing, ask me and I'll tell you in private, it's just not something I will discuss in a public place.

It's one of those moments where afterwards you think "maybe I should have kept my mouth shut" but I know me, I don't keep my mouth shut. I wade in where fools wouldn't dare to tread and say what I think. At times it's caused friendships to end but if I can't express how I'm feeling, it wasn't a friendship worth having. I've walked out of jobs (only twice though) where I wasn't happy with how I was being treated.

The long and short of what I've just done is that either I work as a Consultant for the people (and hell, they could do with someone like me working as a Consultant) and get paid accordingly for it. Or I leave. And maybe go back to London as I'm not sure there's anything else here on the island for me. I need to feel challenged, I need to feel I am constantly achieving, I need to feel there is some purpose to what I do. Without that, I end up feeling rather miserable.....