In London...

It's been two weeks now since I arrived back in London properly. Although I got back a month ago, a week later I jetted off to Dallas for just over a week so the first two weeks still felt like I was in transit.

My blogging has taken a back seat of late but when I looked back over some of my posts from last year, I realised how valuable it is to keep writing, no matter what's going on. Writing in times of uncertainty are great when you can go back and look over how you were feeling, particularly when the situation has changed.

I feel like I'm in hibernation at the moment, preparing for the next chapter. I have no idea what that next chapter will be. I don't know where I'm going to be living or what I'm going to be doing. I'm currently staying at my parents' place in Dulwich. Location-wise it's great but I'm viewing it as a temporary arrangement. I may move back into my flat in Crystal Palace. I wasn't planning on doing this but my tenant seems to be gripped by some financial woes and ultimately my mortgage is my responsibility and I need to take care of it. Also with the mortgage market getting trashed last year (apparently 2 years ago there were over 200 mortgage providers, now there are only 15), there are no good deals for buy-to-let mortgages and it may make more sense to move back and get a good deal on a normal mortgage. I've started putting my interiors cards in local shops and will continue to do this in other places, as well as let all my friends and contacts know that I'm back in London. It would be good to do some consulting too. Previous work has come when I've been approached by consultants I've worked with in the past. I've heard that LinkedIn is a good platform for getting your experience out to a much wider audience so that's another thing on my to-do list.

I've kept a fairly low profile since getting back. Only a handful of my friends know that I'm actually back and even fewer have seen me since my return. It reminds me of when I was made redundant and I had a few months of not really knowing what I was doing. I kept a low profile then too, only coming back onto the scene when I had a big announcement to make, that I was moving into interiors. If you're going to make an announcement, might as well do something like a complete career change! My dad keeps asking me if I've got any interviews lined up and I've tried to explain that my previous consulting work has come to me, not the other way but I'm not entirely sure he gets what I mean. He's suggested going back to my Ukrainian job but I've told him a few times that my position has been filled by someone who's doing a fantastic job. I think deep down inside he wishes I'd never left the Foreign Office. He did suggest that the other day but it would mean reducing my earning potential by about two thirds and I'd be living in poverty!

In the past my current state of limbo would be causing no end of worry. But I gave up worrying at the start of this year, as my new year's resolution. Having awareness about potential situations and moving to prevent any negative outcomes is good. But worrying endlessly about what may or may not happen is a waste of time, makes you ill and has no benefit at all. So I've decided to give it up! I'm treating life at present as what it is, a little holding area where I can get ready for the next stage even if I don't know what that is. It's good to have a little quiet time every now and then. I've had the chance for reflection and taken action on the last epiphany I had in Ibiza (I had 3 in total while I was there which is quite a lot for a year) and read some books that help me make sense of the world.

Last week I read The Secret. Over the years, I've read a few personal development books but The Secret seemed to be filled with pearls of wisdom that I'd never read before. It's about the Law of Attraction and how you can manifest anything in your life, you just have to ask. You receive when you're in a state of happiness and joy and it is your responsibility to make sure you are. Reading that struck a chord. I often experience profound moments of joy and in that state, thinking about my life and what I may want in the future is infused with feelings of intense love. The key is to feel like this all the time and there are lots of ways this can be done. I found it interesting that things I'd written in my blog in the past are mentioned in The Secret - the importance of daily meditations and the daily practice of giving thanks for everything in your life so far. It talks a lot about love and encourages you to feel love for anything and everything. My ability to feel like I've fallen in love with strange things (working at the British Ukrainian Society, cats, a dog and a lamb in Ibiza, my property development project in 2006 and various people in a purely platonic sense) appears to be a good thing and I should carry on doing more of the same. It also drove the message home that in moments when I'm feeling a bit grumpy or down, I need to shift my mood as I can't generate positive vibes from a negative head space. All good stuff and I encourage you to read the book if you haven't done so already!

I've taken to running in beautiful Dulwich park. It's not the same as running on a deserted Cala Jondal beach but a good alternative option now that I'm back in the city. I'll add in some swimming and yoga soon too. I was hoping to do a 5K run in a couple of weeks but missed the deadline for application. I've carried on training as if I am doing the run and I was happy to do my first 5K run since getting back - that took place yesterday.

I start my creative writing course in a few weeks and with that my focus and attention will turn back to writing a novel. I know I want to write about partition and journeys that people make but further than that, I've yet to evolve a story. I'm sure the course will be excellent in helping me put together a compelling story. A friend asked me the other day if I missed Ibiza and I said no. But the truth is that I do miss it, miss the intense rugged beauty of the place and the wonderful friends I made there. But I know that the island and all my island friends are still there, a couple of hours plane ride away and it will only be a matter of time before I head back for a visit and to breathe in deeply everything I love about the place. Meanwhile the bright lights of London beckon, even in my hibernation!