I've done it, I've completed my first Vipassana meditation course! It was an amazing experience, quite possibly one of the best things I have ever done. It wasn't easy though but at least I didn't have any thoughts of wanting to leave during the course. The course was conducted at the Dhamma Neru centre, about an hour's train ride out of Barcelona - far away from the hustle and bustle of city life but not too far away in the sticks.
After arrival and registration, we had a light evening meal, a talk about the course and what was expected of us and then our first meditation. We had to observe "Noble Silence" from that evening on. That meant no talking to anyone apart from the teacher or the manager and even then you had to whisper so as not to disturb anyone else. There was to be absolutely no communication between meditators and no eye contact. Men and women were completely segregated - the only time we were together was in the meditation hall but even then we sat on different sides, came in through different doors, even had different mats and blankets - everything was kept completely separate.
The next morning, we were woken at 4.00 by the sound of a gong being rung three times. The daily timetable was fairly similar for the ten days (apart from the last day), things starting or finishing by the sound of the gong being rung three times. We started our daily meditations at 4.30, with breakfast at 6.30. Over the course of the day, we'd meditate for just over ten hours. Before this, my meditation had been limited to no more than half an hour so it was quite a leap! The first few days, I couldn't sit in any position for longer than about five minutes as something would start hurting. This constant fidgeting and moving meant that I couldn't concentrate on the meditating. Then if I did find a position where I could sit still for a while, I found myself falling asleep!
Although I struggled with the "sitting still" part of meditating in the beginning, I didn't find Noble Silence difficult to do. I think it helps if you're doing the course on your own - you don't know the other people so there's less temptation to want to talk to them. What was more difficult was to try and stop the incessant chattering going on in my head, particularly when I was trying to meditate.
The days came and went and we were guided through the process of meditating. Being cut off completely from the outside world and all the days following a similar timetable meant that you soon lost track of what day it was, whether it was a weekday or the weekend. We lived like monks, moving silently from dormitory to meditation hall to dining room. For the first five days, I stayed within the boundaries of the courtyard, even though we could go out into the gardens for a walk. My whole life existed around the courtyard. I don't know why I didn't go out, it just didn't cross my mind.
On the fourth day, I woke at 4.00 to the sound of the gong being rung and thought "no, I want a lie in, I want to sleep more" - although I wasn't actually tired. I went back to sleep after deciding to miss the first meditation and just get up for breakfast. My plan didn't quite work as at exactly 4.30, there was a little voice by my head going "Azra, get up, it's time to meditate. Azra, get up, it's time to meditate" - the manager had spotted my slumbering self! I went into the meditation hall and found that sitting in one position was now causing more discomfort than ever before. I constantly shuffled from this side to that, from this position to another, my pile of cushions going up and down in the hope that within the cushions I might find some comfort. Later that afternoon, we were asked to try and sit completely still for an hour during the group meditations. This meant sitting in your chosen position (in my case cross-legged) with your hands clasped and eyes closed and trying not to move at all for an hour. Although that morning I hadn't been able to sit still for more than a few minutes, as soon as there was a goal we had to try and attain, my competitive side rose up and made sure I did it!
There were three group meditations a day and after the fourth day, you had to try and sit still for all three, each being an hour long. The first couple of days, I managed two sittings but would always have to move during the third. It was a great feeling when I finally managed to do all three sittings in the day without moving an inch.
On the tenth day, Noble Silence ended and we were able to talk to each other (although we still had to observe Noble Silence in or around the meditation halls). It was great to be able to talk to people but after a while it seemed a bit noisy. The people on the course suddenly took on personalities and you realised how difficult it is to garner any knowledge of someone's personality without being able to talk or communicate in any way. You don't know how they sound or what they're like - on day ten it was as if everyone came alive and there was a lot of animated chattering!
Once we could talk again, someone raised the question of why everyone was brushing their teeth the whole time. It was true, it didn't matter what time you went into the bathroom, there would always be someone brushing their teeth. It was particularly busy after meals. Even I found myself brushing my teeth three times a day but that was because of the different timetable we were following - I'd brush my teeth as soon as I got up. After breakfast, there'd be an hour free that I used for taking a nap. That meant that I didn't take a shower til after lunch at which time I'd brush my teeth again, and then once again before bed. This increased teeth-brushing meant that by the last day I'd run out of toothpaste and as I saw my supplies diminish, I wondered what I'd do if I ran out before the end of the course. I couldn't borrow from anyone else as I wouldn't be able to communicate what I needed. I couldn't just help myself to someone's tube of toothpaste as that might be seen as stealing. In the end, I decided not to worry about it unless it happened!
It turned out that most people were brushing their teeth four or five times a day just as it was something to do, they were bored. It made me realise that although at times I'd found my time there difficult, I'd never felt bored. Another girl I spoke to told me that every day she'd have to fight the urge to leave. I was surprised hearing this as during the meditations, she had looked so calm and serene, in comparison to my constantly fidgeting self! But once again, I never felt any urge to leave or escape - I was happy to be where I was, doing what I was doing.
Although at times difficult and intense, ultimately the course was a wonderful experience and I have vowed to continue with my daily meditation practice. There's a group that meets on a weekly basis to meditate in Ibiza so I'm going to make that a part of my weekly routine. After the course, one of my friends asked me what had prompted me to do it. I'd been wanting to start meditating on a daily basis but didn't really know how to do it. I thought that a daily meditation would help to keep me grounded and centred - it doesn't matter how wonderful your life is, things do still happen and I want to feel that I'm in a good position to handle anything that comes my way. Also, when I look back over my life so far, so many amazing things have happened, I've had so many wonderful opportunities and I wanted a daily meditation where I could say thank-you for everything that's happened so far - I have a lot to be thankful for! Finally the course showed me how to deal with an issue that up until now, I'd been aware of but never dealt with it properly. Awareness alone is not enough!
I'd recommend this course to everyone! It's non-sectarian so it's open to everyone, regardless of religious beliefs. It follows the universal laws of nature and therefore isn't aligned to any one religion. It encourages all beings to be happy and to live a life that is full of love and compassion, harmony and goodwill. There's no guilt involved to try and make people take action. And as the course is free, it is open to everyone - anyone who has completed a course can make a donation at the end based on their own financial position.
Now that I'm home, it's up to me to keep up my daily practice. I've done it so far. It's not easy though - whenever it's time, I have a little voice going "I don't want to do this". But I've ignored it and got on with the meditating. As I'm not working at the moment, I can get up at any time I want although I've worked out that once I do start working, I'd have to get up at 5.30 to meditate for an hour if I still want to fit in my daily swim before the working day starts. The alarm was set for 5.30 this morning. When it went off, I turned it off and went back to sleep. When I woke up a couple of hours later, I started meditating. But by then, Bea was up and I realised that even the smallest sounds were a distraction to my meditation. So I've now got to be disciplined and start getting up at 5.30 to meditate as it will be dark and quiet and easier to concentrate on the meditation. I know it would be so easy to do nothing but I have so much to gain from daily practice that I'm determined to make it a part of my life. I've come to Ibiza for a better quality of life and this can only help add to that!
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