On the hunt for a new home....

I'm currently looking for somewhere new to live. I'd planned on leaving the house at the end of September but it's all been brought forward by the death of the kittens. Although this week has been much better than last week and I've stopped crying, I have no desire to live in the house anymore.

I saw a room in a house on Wednesday night but that's not really what I'm looking for. Looking at another place tomorrow morning, a studio apartment in Cala Carbo close to where I work. The thought of living by myself again in a sleepy little place right by the sea, with hot water and electricity holds great appeal so hopefully this will be an option that feels right.

I didn't think I ever wanted to live by myself again but at present, I can't think of anything better. Unless of course I was living with someone I get on really well with. It's funny how things with Bea and I changed. I remember the first time I sensed the change and the shock of feeling annoyance with what she was saying, I didn't know where the feelings were coming from or why. It was just after she'd got back to the island from a month in Italy. I'd been so excited about seeing her again and had a massive beam on my face when I picked her up at the airport. But on the drive back to the house, I found myself getting annoyed with things she was saying. I can't remember what exactly they were but I distinctly remember the feeling and my surprise at where they'd come from. After that point, I found myself noticing things, things that made us very different.

There was one thing that really bugged me. I'd make dinner for both of us, we'd sit down to eat and then the phone would ring. Instead of asking the caller to ring back later as she was eating, she'd carry on the conversation. I think for me this is as annoying as someone taking a call on a mobile when I'm sat there with them (unless of course it's an emergency). One time when she had a friend over, she did the same thing to the friend. The friend was getting visibly annoyed and I made polite conversation to keep her entertained but I don't think Bea noticed that the friend was getting annoyed.

As the weeks went by and our friendship floundered, mainly over our different feelings towards the cats and kittens, it seemed like the way she dealt with it was to pretend I wasn't there. I was aware of it and it made me laugh as it was so obvious. I've thought a little about why things changed (even before the kittens came onto the scene) and I put it down to looking for similarities in the beginning. But then I noticed all the differences and there are lots - I'm not sure we'd ever have become friends in other circumstances.

Anyway, instead of dissecting a dead friendship here, I'm going to look firmly towards the future and finding a new home!