Nature or nurture?

I've always wondered about the nature vs nurture debate - whether who we are and how we are is based on our genes or our environment? In recent years, I've come to the conclusion that our genes play a significantly larger part in it all, with the environment playing a smaller but still important role. But then I look at my siblings and for one family to produce four such different people leaves me baffled. We all have the same genes and yet we've turned out so differently?

But when I look at myself, I can see where elements of my personality have come from. My love of interiors, of nature, of all things beautiful come from my mum's middle sister. I'd love to have her grace and poise, she has the elegance of Audrey Hepburn which I aspire to - but when I told my friend Simone this, she said "you'll never be like Audrey Hepburn, you're far too cheeky!" I don't mind that, I like being cheeky! And where does that cheekiness come from? It comes from my dad. My outspokeness comes from my dad's youngest sister. Everyone says that my younger sister is like my aunt but I don't see it like that. My aunt is outspoken and she will say what she thinks, my sister is argumentative and dramatic so in fact quite different. If I have any tact and diplomacy, it comes from my dad's oldest sister but I think it's difficult to combine outspokeness and tact and diplomacy - on occasions where my friends have remained quiet about something, I'll open my mouth and say what I think! A few friendships have disintegrated because of this outspokeness but I guess it's a good test of who your friends are and who aren't.

I can also pinpoint defining moments that have played an enormous part in who I am - these are the environmental factors that have influenced me. I've always been driven and determined, as if I've been on a mission to get somewhere, to be someone - and it's got to be the best (based on what is the best for me). This has come from a deep-seated desire not to live in my older sister's shadow all my life. When we were growing up, she was the golden child, the one who was going to become the doctor and live out my dad's dreams. She was brainy and beautiful and sporty and musical - in fact, someone once said to me when I was a child "Your sister is the brains and the beauty in this family" - erm thanks, that's very encouraging! But thank the lord I wasn't one of those "poor me" types (otherwise known as a victim) as I'd have just let that all make me feel very sorry for myself and quite possibly not achieve anything at all. When you're busy playing the role of victim, all your energy goes into that whereas if you diverted it into something far more positive, you'd probably do quite well!

I always thought I was the same as her, eventhough I went through quite a gawky phase that lasted about a decade (from 7 to 17), I was skinny and had buck teeth and a face that didn't quite work. I wasn't very good at team sports and couldn't sing but I was pretty brainy so that was something. But it came as a bit of a shock when in my final year at junior school we were getting ready to put on the school play (in French). Four years previously, my older sister had the starring role as the inn-keeper's wife with lots of lines in French. I assumed I would also get that same role, I was all prepared to be given that role. Imagine my shock when I found out my part in the play was that of a dog, and all I had to say was "woof woof!" I came down to earth with a bump! Looking back it's all quite amusing and if things like this made me driven and determined, then they're no bad thing!

I've always been seen as fiercely independent but that can be traced back to incidents in my growing-up years that made me think "if you want to be sure of something, do it yourself". If I wanted to better my life, it was up to me to do it - relying on anyone else might lead to disappointment. Of course this is one of life's very important lessons - to take responsibility for your own life. There were certain things I wanted to see in my adult life so I took responsibility for them, instead of relying on someone else to provide them for me. That's not to say it doesn't work, I'm sure there are some people who would provide everything for you but I'd rather know that I can look after myself before I let anyone else look after me.

Anyway, I've gone off on a complete tangent because the thing I wanted to actually discuss here, within the parameters of the nature/nurture debate is this:

"High standards, attention to detail - can you learn this or are some people born with it and others not?"

I know I have high expectations when it comes to work and I pay attention to the details. But was I born with this or did I learn it? I know I've been taught high standards in my first few years of work. It started when I was twelve and I was working at the local riding school. We were taught how to do things properly, our yard was always immaculate, we'd spend hours cleaning and polishing tack and grooming the horses and ponies. Everyone was on time for work (a few of us would even be there an hour early), perhaps we were taught excellent work ethics and attitude at the riding school. When I got my first proper part-time job, working in the restaurant of the Crown and Greyhound in Dulwich Village, Barbara the manageress taught me how to do things properly there. She was an ex-Playboy Bunny and if there was one place where high standards were expected and maintained, it was at Playboy.

To me, it seems as if I learnt these qualities when I started work. But maybe they'd been there already, lying dormant, looking for an environment where they could surface. Up til then, life at home had been chotic and messy, if there were any standards, they weren't very high. So, the question is, was I born with these things or did I learn them? And the reason I ponder this is because with our recent problems with our riad in Marrakech, I've got to train our general manager in the standards that need to be met and maintained. But is it something you're either born with or not or is it something that can be learnt? Is it just a question of showing someone how to do things so they can carry on once you're gone or is it really a case of some people have it and others don't so no matter how much you show someone, if they just aren't at that level or they just don't get it, you'll find it difficult to make them understand. Oh well, I'm out there in a couple of weeks and fingers crossed I do manage to get this message across!