Two lives

I've had two trips to London in the past month. On the first trip, I felt this lovely warm sensation of having two lives, one here in Ibiza and the other in London. It's as if I have a foot in both and can move seamlessly between the two. It appears to be the case in my life. I grew up with two cultures and although in my late teens (when I was seen as a rebel) I was a terrible embarrassment to the Pakistani community and possibly my family, I now feel that I do have a foot in each and once again move seamlessly between the two. I don't really socialise within the Pakistani community (no doubt they would all look at me with pity because I'm not married and wonder why that was) but I do have some very close connections with various family members and that's good enough for me.

I have a strong sense of who I am and where I came from and the much bigger picture that goes before me. But I also fit in very comfortably on the British side so in a way, I've got the best of both worlds. I remember when I was going through that rebellious phase, I felt as if I didn't really belong in one culture but wasn't sure that the other culture would accept me. I wondered if I'd end up in some strange no-man's land, stuck between two cultures but not belonging to either. Luckily things worked out in my favour and I've now got two very different cultures that I reside within.

It's the same with work. My decade-long career in London saw me doing two vastly different things - being an international relations consultant and interiors. When I did just one, I'd miss the other. It's as if I need both to satisfy different parts of me and I'm at my happiest when I'm moving between the two. My time in London also had another angle, that of a party girl. For eight or nine years, I went to some of the best parties that London had to offer but that party-loving streak was combined with a fiercely professional head. Consequently I never let my weekends creep over into Monday morning. Although some wonky occasions on a school night did result in me being at work the next day in body but not necessarily in mind. But my weekends and my weekdays were kept far apart.

Returning to this sensation of having two lives, one in Ibiza, one in London, when you have this kind of existence, it's lovely because you see the best in both. I love the vast rugged beauty of the island, beauty of the natural kind, not nature manicured to perfection. It's the sort of beauty I love, natural, organic, wild - the kind that can take your breath away. Inky black skies flooded with stars, the sea now the colour of dark-blue denim, the multiple shades of the pine trees, the moodiness of a grey sky. On the other hand, stick me in London and I love the bright twinkling lights of the city and getting around on public transport, where I can gaze out of the window at the world passing by, instead of having to concentrate on the road. I love the things I don't have in Ibiza, being able to go to the cinema or an art gallery or a museum, hopping around to see various friends, enjoying parks and my favourite book-shops. I'm not due in London now til Christmas but I'm already excited about the things I can do, the people I can see.

Since my recent trips to London, I've found myself thinking about a life that flits between the two. I would love to live something between the two places, filling me with the best of both. One is a strikingly beautiful island, the other a sparkling capital city but there are parts within me that hanker after both. There are elements in both that I love and that I don't find in the other. It seems as if after having two cultures and two worlds of work, I now find myself with two places where I want to live, moving between the two. I wonder if this is possible. Only time will tell......